Ekadantaya Dheemahi

ganeshaBhaktas, This is Baba Bangali bringing you yet another spicy interview with my drinking buddy and fellow food lover Gunny Bops. He was here last year and has obliged to drop in this time as well. All is not well in the world and not much has improved since last year, new diseases, scandals and controversies have not made it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. Last time around we spoke about pandals, corruption and all the commercialization surrounding the festival. This time however we’re up wit some sensitive issues while still being our naughty self. Join me in a tete-a-tete with the guy who invented obstacle courses and is hence revered as the God of obstacles. It’s time to put on the journalist hat as we discuss strange deaths of pop icons, airport haggles, controversial books and how man contracted fever from pigs. We managed to grab him last time as he was on his way back, and we’ve done the same time time as well.

BB: Oh Gunny Bops welcome to Dappan Koothu once again. Pray may I ask, why are you wearing a mask?

GB: Let’s go easy on the name calling shall we Baba. Also with this pig fever in the air, mommy doesn’t want me to take any chances.

BB: So the news has reached the whitehouse eh? Since when did you get petrified of diseases like us mortals?

GB: Just don’t want to be taking any risks that’s all. You humans don’t spare even animals and then let their illness mutate with other viruses in the human body. What results in is global panic and epidemic alerts everywhere. Do you realize more people die due to illness, hunger, accidents and other calamities daily that his pig fever of yours has claimed in a month.

BB: Your smart wit and intelligence never fail to surprise me. I see you are one of those who like to make observations like these and smirk in delight on the weight of their comments assuming to be the first to discover the silly statistic. How about you go tell this to your buddy Indra so that the denizens of Indralok don’t go running like headless chicken the next time some demon king launches an attack. As per your logic more people would have died in the impending war anyways so why panic and run amok! Indralok reminds me, how is our boy mai-ka-laal jaikishen doing, has he taught Indra’s damsels the moonwalk yet?

GB: Ah the misunderstood genius, I hear he’s been telling people of the ways they make him feel these days. You people may disagree but then like they say all things come in a package and his negatives seemed to outweigh his positives. But then he had overstayed his welcome and his legacy is unparalleled so let’s just leave it there. What grabs my attention is that I hear your people are being ruffled up at airports, so now you know how it feels to be humiliated for logistics problems with transportation!

BB: Haha how nothing seems to get past you Gunny Bops, well it’s true famed persons are getting frisked for their surnames. Why the concern you may ask, well you see we are so used to being treated royally since the ages of kings. It continues even today and the elite always get preferred service and breeze through checks and formalities. I guess we are ourselves responsible for putting them on a pedestal and worshiping like demi-gods.

GB: Well I can’t complain can I! My entry every year is heralded with processions, flowers, chants and incense. Thereafter for a week to ten days, I am treated with utmost royalty and fed with the choicest sweets in pure desi ghee as thousands come to see me of course for their material gains. Its always a school/college admission, exam tension, office promotion or an impending wedding in the family. Ah they don’t call me the remover of obstacles for nothing so I guess the business model works fine. I can possibly remove them all except animosity between warring nations. You people seem to be doing a darn good job atย  it though by singing praise to leaders on the other side of the border.

BB: Ah you cheeky pachyderm, never miss a chance to put me in a spot do you. Occupational hazard I guess, but there lies the irony. If you asked someone during the wars or the partition if someone would acknowledge the intentย  leave alone sing praise to a leader from the Land of the Pure, they’d tell you that the remotest chance of that happening would be when pigs flew. Since since pigs have very prevelantly been flying in your stronghold in Pune where the epicenter has been traced to, this was expected.

GB: Now don’t you try to pull a fast one with your favorite past-time of connecting the dots, and drag me into this quagmire. You don’t kill a man who’s running toward a cliff and similarly when the party is on self-detonate mode, this just acts like a spark plug. With leaders defying authority and a mutiny amongst the ranks, wasn’t such a thing on the cards? You talk of the right to speech, freedom of expression and all that junk that looks good on talk shows in news studios. What you need though you may disagree at first is a strong whip, a force that can reign you in and restore order to the ranks. A leader needs to rise that others can look upto with a cool demeanor and calm visage. Like they did in the west, but then its not easy to unearth an overnight mein Obama !

BB: Well said G-Money, for now lets just say that this swine, flu over a cuckoos nest! Until next year lets just drink to that…

(Image Courtesy: Swami Stream)

PS: Previously published on DC