Maal kaalchur and no thunder

Heard in a famous mall in Chennai

(At Lifestyle)

Girl: I love Puma, It’s so very European you know…
Boy: (blank expression)

(At Van Heusen)

Another Girl: Only my man can wear pink (Hands her boy-toy a pink shirt)
Another poor guy: (blank expression)

I generally don’t eavesdrop and snoop around coochie-coo couples but this was more like in the face. I fail to understand this so-called-maal-kaalchur and therefore we goto our resident genius philosopher the one-and-only ‘Baba Bangali’ who is second only to the ‘Great Gounder‘. In my quest for knowledge to ensure that I am not ill-prepared and caught in a maal kaalchur crisis, I humbly ask the great baba.

Baba, What does the Europeanness of a brand have to do with its likeability?

Bhakta, For this you will need to understand the mind of a woman. Anything from foreign shores rakes up value. After all that four-feet something Fuhrer was also European and people still go ga-ga over the Beetle just because that midget drove it! So you see my dear Bhakta, Puma is German and so were the Nazis. I hope you remember that the founders were part of the Nazi party before they split. The woman in question is actually an undercover Nazi agent and the phrase you heard is a coded sequence to reach out to fellow Nazis. So its not about her choice of garment nor is it about the brand nor its origins, it’s all about locating fellow Nazis so that they come out of hiding.

Baba, Then what about real men wearing pink? I also observed that stores are stocking only light colors like yellow or pale green and light blue!

Bhakta, you must learn to look beyond objects and the hidden inner truth. Close your eyes and stop being materialistic, you shall see things in their true color. You my friend have unearthed a major conspiracy by the light-colored-league to banish our favorite solid colors from the shelves. By inundating the stores with lighter colors, the unsuspecting youth have no choice and are forced to wear them. They also have their agents  prowling around malls as regular shoppers or stores employees who will voice their opinion as how lighter colors light up ones personality. You slowly resign to fate and accept what is thrust upon you, unassumingly thinking that you have made a wise choice. It was never a question of choice as you never had one to begin with. This might seem harmless today but tomorrow it
will
snowball into
a catastrophe of
gigantic proportions
tomorrow it will snowball into a catastrophe of gigantic proportions. Today they take away your choice to buy a solid color shirt, tomorrow it will be your choice of beverage, favorite snack, gadgets and even cars. Imagine a time when they will control you and your life would be restricted to a pod and thousands of you will be grown in farms!

I had to drive to the AP border to smuggle my favorite ‘Thums Up’ into Chennai. Is there something I am missing here as well?

Wonderful observation Bhakta, You may note that ‘Thums Up‘ is currently endorsed only by Khiladi Kumar and Megastar Chiru. It enjoys a handsome portion of the market share in AP but the lack of an ambassador seems to have driven it out of the market in TN. But Bhakta, this is something even a nincompoop like you can figure out. So let me give you a low down on the rivalries in Kollywood. When Coke signed Vikram for the Tamil version of its Aamir Khan ads, it also got Vijay on board to woo the masses. Pepsi on the other hand had Madhavan and Surya doing the SRK-Saif ads. This left only the also-rans who were begging to be signed up so that they could hop on to the endorsements bandwagon. So now unless our favorite ‘Roachstar‘ steps in and quenches the thirst of ‘Thums Up’ lovers in TN you will have to adjust with either Coke or Pepsi for your Rum.

(Images courtesy: Flickr, USU and JimPryor)