SF: If your memory serves you right, it has been 20 years since you last visited me. I was actually skeptical about doing this interview but agreed only due to the close ties you share with my family.

BB: Oh stop talking to me like I am your girlfriend. A great man once said. ‘It’s not he age but the mileage‘! Also this year I’ve already met your mom Dee and your bro G-Money.

SF: Let’s not talk about G okay! But you’re the one teasing my mom, let me get my Vel and set you right!

BB: Even you watch crappy movies? OK bad one but I see the sibling rivalry is still strong.

SF: You think it’s vogue to leave home and live on a hill? It’s not the in-thing okay, I’m still hurt and not returning home.

BB: Pardon me, i thought you liked it here in the south for it’s at an altitude and much warmer than the white house!

SF: Look if the quest was for the ‘Fruit of Wisdom’ and if G-boy was so intelligent to circumnavigate my parents then who do you think needs the fruit even more? It’s like giving
your
SRK a
tax concessionlike giving your SRK a tax concession!

BB: Whoa this does make sense, but while G-Money was given the Education ministry weren’t you happy with defence portfolio?

SF: Ah, now you want to give me the brawn over brains talk? He gets prime position for every occasion and not many people know we are siblings till they read this interview.

BB: Ah c’mon people in the south adore you, half of them are named after you, they’ve built numerous temples dedicated to you.

SF: It’s more like the distribution of water between the states that I have TN, Venky has AP, while G-pan and A-pan share Kerala. Also these people think of me and recite the kavacham only when they are shit scared or in adverse problems.

BB: Talking of problems, what do you make of the current terror situation that seems to have gripped one and all.

SF: Terror is in one’s head and we don’t interfere in man-made demons. It’s a state of mind wherein one wants to assert the superiority of his religionone wants to assert the superiority of his religion over the other and stake claim to pieces of land which will never satiate this lust for power. Think about it this way, a world devoid any problems would be so boring and there would be no reason for people to yearn for a passage to heaven.

BB: So you make our world miserable as an incentive to be good so that at least in our afterlife we get better accommodation and facilities! Damn this way you’re just like the farmer who diluted his neighbors pesticides so that his crop was better!

SF: Stop the rubbish will you. Also with giant strides in technology, medicine and B-Grade cinema the death rate has sharply fallen. You guys are even turned on by pachyderms, and fornicate like bunnies.

BB: You might wanna take that back especially since the fans of this one(NSFW) in particular have built more temples for her than you have managed over the years!

SF: Ever heard of something called growth rateheard of something called growth rate? Just because some nutcase coined the phrase ‘Dil maange more‘, doesn’t mean you follow it literally. Our friend Y.D.Raja might actually be grateful in a way to these maniacs who blow up each other.

BB: On another note, what do you make of the crumbling wall of Indian cricket and his dismal form. Why don’t you do something for his pink patch(no better color to choose as the opposite of purple patch).

SF: His prayers were finally answered as he wriggled out a century, didn’t he? You see god-ji has been very busy these days making jodis so a lot of prayers go unheard.

BB: Please convey my regards to the creator-ji for making women so stupid and blind that they fail to identify the same man without his mustache when he sports gelled hair. Rab-ji forbid they were smart, else imagine our plight as men, we’d have to fall for ourselves!

SF: Well they don’t make them that bad as well you know. These days it’s a mix of beauty and brains that’s grabbing peoples eyes.

BB: Oh please, don’t tell me you are justifying women prancing around in skimpy outfits and talking about world peace and poverty! Also I feel you had a hand in the crowning of our desi-girl only because she shared her first name with your mother! My minimal knowledge of the mallu-land tells me that someone had named their child assuming it was a girl but turned out to be a guy at birth. The name omanakuttan makes no sense otherwise.

SF: Err, whatever. I have to rush now, time for abhishekam and alangaram.

(Image courtesy oochappan)

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After a series of boring flashback stories I am back to haunt this space. The past few days have been spent in religious fervor as the whole country celebrated the birth of the elephant god. Headquartered in Mumbai with major branches all over the country, my favorite tusker friend’s pandals adorned the bylanes of every street. While he is being fed modaks and a host of sweets we feel content if we even manage to catch a glimpse of him. I have been trying to get him to do an exclusive for this space but in vain. However today as he begins to leave the gullies and return to his heavenly abode, I managed to grab him for a few minutes.  I’ve always wondered how Ravana would have felt if his ten heads ached. Similarly I’ve always wanted to hear an elephant with a running nose, just imagine what a scene that would be.  As I was on my way to meet my Ganesha i could hear thunderous implosions which I mistook for the LHC(Vaigyanaik daanav according to the news channels) gone wrong. Turns out that it was just my friend G-money sneezing and boy was he sneezing!

BB: Hey G, you okay? we can do this later if you want!

G: aaaaaaaaaaachoooooooooooooooooo. Sorry my man, its just the water. The water these days I tell you, so bad Baba. Wonder what these guys are dumping in to it these days, totally messes up my immunity system. You seem to be doing well though, it doesn’t affect you guys huh? Damn these bhaktas, they immersed me in water that had so many unmentionable things floating. How can you guys dump me in the water like that?

BB: Aww G-money the water didn’t suit you eh? Our bodies have got used to it, only out-of-towners like you have problems. How were the festivities? You seemed to have enjoyed the pomp and color!

G: Oh yea don’t get me started on that, I wasn’t fed anything though few people ate a lot of currency in my name. There were huge pandals and long lines which I never asked for in the first place. Prasadam was prepared in gigantic proportions and the donations kept pouring in. There were movie songs blaring in the huge speakers and local singers cavorting with the raagas. There we huge posters, banners and contests that some pandals ran as publicity drives. Local businessmen bid for rights to sponsor everyday festivities. I seem to be turning into a very profitable proposition, you must help me turn it into a franchise. Baba, imagine the avenues we could open if we monetize it.

BB: Gosh G, no wonder you have Siddhi and Buddhi as your consorts. Tell me about the women, they must have turned up in large numbers and all decked up right?

G: Ah Baba, Don’t even get me started. There were guys who’d turn up at the pandals just for the women. I was under the impressions that I was the main draw, but the guys were least interested in me. Many young hearts used my pandals as meeting places, I guess they were banking one me to remove all obstacles in their path! The kids came for the prasadams and the married women came for bragging rights and gossip stories.You know what, if I’m not wrong that davinci guy even made a post on this type of bhakti. I wonder if anyone ever comes to see me, for each of them seem to have an agenda of their own.

BB: Tell you what G, you are the most artist friendly deity of em’ all. Must have been fun to see the various shapes and sizes of your idols.

G: Shapes and sizes? Baba my man you forgot to mention the things people used to make my idols. Some guy used coconut shells, another used dry fruits and nuts. In the past they’ve used ice, jaggery, broken bottles and probably anything you can think of. Now that you mention my idols, we sure must talk about the creativity behind them. I never knew that I was deported to Iraq, however one pandal had me sitting on a tank, another had me crushing a terrorist under my feet. I’ve been flanked by prime ministers, cricketers and even film personalities in the past. A pandal was shaped like a pyramid however Cleopatra was missing by my side, but I sure love these uber-creative pandals.

BB: Cleopatra eh? you naughty! You seem to be hogging all the news with those gigantic idols. Last heard it was 45ft right?

G: Oh yes record breaking tall idols that don’t drown and have to be broken with hammers so that the water engulfs them. I feel bad for all this Baba, there is no bhatki attached to it anywhere. You must have heard that the loudest seller sells all his wares. It’s a similar story with larger idols attracting all the media attention and thus drawing more bhaktas. More bhaktas ensures more visibility for the pandal sponsors who also setup stalls and have volunteers wear their t-shirts. I’m have no objection as long as everyone is happy and makes some money in the process, but what angers me is the treatment dished out on the visarjan day. Huge idols are kicked, broken so that they submerge, is this right my friend? You invite me with all pomp and gaiety but then break me or throw me into the water when you’re done.

BB: You pessimistic pachyderm, why do you have to find fault in everything we do? Look at the unity and how people come together.

G: You make a valid point Baba, pandals were organized for a purpose. That dude B.G.Tilak started them to deliver rhetoric speeches and garner unity in the pre-independence days. That spirit somehow seems to be lost now, don’t you agree? Pandals now only serve the purposes of local sponsors, news channels and fund college fees for the children of the organizers. Well but if my homecoming brings unity and peace to the community then I’d rather not mind being stamped upon. Broken pieces of me will keep floating in the water fro a few days, the aqua life and other eco-systems will be handicapped but then you guys are happy. Humans I say!

BB: C’mon G-money, be a sport. Go back to your momma as we prepare to invite her next month. See ya next year buddy.

Baba Bangali….

(Image courtesy: nearly-normal)

PS: This post started out differently, but Kar beat me to it. I didn’t wanna delete the draft so changed it. Spare me if it seems weird.

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Today the world celebrates the birthday of the greatest lover in any mythology. I state this however with no offense to the Lord nor is this an attempt to malign his greatness. If my Bhakta’s from the HMK are reading this, then they can safely ignore it. The leela’s of
Krishna
are unparalleledleela’s of Krishna are unparalleled and we are too small to even comment on them.

The ‘rasa leela‘ takes place one night when the gopis of Vrindavan, upon hearing the sound of Krishna’s flute, sneak away from their households and families to the forest to dance with Krishna throughout the night, which Krishna supernaturally stretches to the length of one Night of Brahma, a Hindu unit of time lasting approximately 4.32 billion years. In the Krishna Bhakti traditions, the ‘rasa-leela‘ is considered to be one of the highest and most esoteric of Krishna’s pastimes. In these traditions, romantic love between human beings in the material world is seen as merely a diminished, illusionary reflection of the soul’s original, ecstatic spiritual love for Krishna, God, in the spiritual world.

The spiritual dance of divine love is well explained in the ‘Bhagvatam‘ and you may head here for further reference. Now that we’ve cleared the air, we are free to do what we do best. Cheap, crass and crude humor has always been our forte, and we at Dappan Koothu are gonna give you more.

1: Krishna Kare to swami, Hum kare toh harami!
2: Krishna kare to chamatkaar, hum kare to balaatkaar
3: Krishna kare to raas leela, hum kare to character dheela

In college when ever we were rebuked by the women folk for our actions or comments we always came back with these brilliant lines. It soon was popular among SMSes and even saw the light of the day in a few movies. Let me clear the air that our actions were pretty harmless and one need not twitch his/her eyebrows. The gardens of Vrindavan have now been replaced by the malls and multiplexes and that’s where they gopikas of today seek their Mohan. The flute has given way to cellphones and other gadgets and the definition of pure unadulterated love may never be the same. Social media seems to be the new way to reach out and keep track of everyone’s updates. Facebook/Orkut and blogs have replaced the verandah discussions of the evenings. In a world wherein people update their twitter statuses even before letting their loved ones know, the ‘Supreme Being’ felt left out.

The lord got fed up and wanted to reach out and turned to social media. What if the lord had a facebook profile, who would he get poked by? Who would scribble on his wall and what would his status be? Ever wondered what would Krishna’s social profile look like or the groups he would join? I have all your answers bhakta. Presenting a sneak peak of the profile of the most sought after man ever! This is what his profile looked like the day after his ‘peace mission‘ was rejected at Hastinapur. Those unaware with the Mahabharata may fail to comprehend, however I feel the rest of you will see it in the right spirit. It is a bit tongue in cheek and I request all my bhaktas to take it in jest.

Jai Shri Krishna, happy birthday O great one!

Baba Bangali

PS: Inspired by Krishashok and Chutney.
PPS: Thank you Javascript and MS Paint!

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1) Daiva bhakti: This is the foremost of all, and consists of god fearing people who feel that by visiting temples, performing archanais(offerings), singing hymns to the lord, their passage to afterlife would be peaceful and his life would go without obstacles.

2) Prasada bhakti: This is the puliodhare type bhakti, a better example of which would be the character sendhil played in the film ‘Boys’. Which sannidhi(temple), which day, what time, what prasadam…..

3) Figure/Jollu bhakti: This type of bhakti is to ogle at unsuspecting maamis and collect kanni ponnus(youg lass) who come to the temple to pray for husbands who they hope will be unlike the guys who come to collect them.

4) Vendudhal/mannat bhakti: Bhaktas under this category are usually visible during exam time, or have some vendudhal like kids, visa etc. There is a very famous temple in Hyderabad where the swami is also known as ‘visa venkatesha’.

5) Peethal/show off bhakti: This type of bhakti is just to show of your newest jewelery, saree etc, or exhibit the power of your wealth by performing pujas involving high donations and basically obtain bragging rights to how religious you are.

6) Tag along bhakti: Here you are accompanying another bhakta who falls into any of the above categories

7) Wat the hell bhakti: Well you just decided to visit the temple as you didn’t have anything else to do, and a li’l hi to the lord won’t hurt.
Flickr bhakti: This form of bhakti can be observed when you are touring the country and visit temples with splendid architecture as you take 286 pics of yourself against various backdrops.

9) Special occasion bhakti: This could be visible when there is a festival or a kutcheri(concert) in the temple and you go just because you like the festive atmosphere.

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First some facts:

• The Sun’s energy output is about 386 billion billion megawatts, produced by nuclear fusion reactions.
• Each second about 700,000,000 tons of hydrogen are converted to about 695,000,000 tons of helium and 5,000,000 tons of energy in the form of gamma rays.
• As it travels out toward the surface, the energy is continuously absorbed and re-emitted at lower and lower temperatures so that by the time it reaches the surface, it is primarily visible light.
• For the last 20% of the way to the surface, the energy is carried more by convection than by radiation.

Now lets apply some logic to this:

• The Sun:
  • The surface temperature of the Sun is 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • If the sun gave off only one half of it’s present radiation, We would freeze. And if it gives as more, We would roast.
  • The earth is positioned in such a way that it is just far away so that the sun’s rays just warms us just enough so that neither we are roasted nor frozen.
• The Earth:
  • This has been going on for 4600 million years, And all these 4600 million years, the earth has been rotating non-stop, 24 hours a day and night. It rotates on its axis, at 1000 miles an hour at the equator.
  • Now If it turns, let us say, at one hundred miles per hour, what happens? Our days and nights will be 10 times as long as now and the hot sun will burn our vegetation during the long day. And in the long night, any surviving sprout might freeze.
• The Moon:
  • The average earth-moon distance is about 1,75,000 miles. If the moon, let us say,were only 50,000 miles away.
  • Our tides might be so enormous that twice a day all continents would be submerged and even the mountains will be eroded away.
• Others:
  • The slant of the earth, tilted at an angle of 23 degrees gives us our seasons.
  • If it were not so tilted, Vapors from the ocean would move north and south, piling up continents of ice.
  • If the crust of the earth, had been ten feet thicker, There will be no oxygen and animal life will die.
  • Had the ocean been a few feet deeper, Carbon dioxide and oxygen would be absorbed and no vegetation or life could exist.

One could rattle of hundreds of such examples, but all of them would ring in unison। As rational as I try to be, can all this be just a result of one explosion? Would you say that life on this planet is still an accident? Physical Cosmology and astrophysics fail to explain many concepts, not everything can have an explanation. Call me old fashioned, call me gullible, but the truth remains that there is the supreme force who is the source of all cosmic energy. Before I fail to make any further sense…….

Thank you for reading,

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Went along with a few frnds to the Chilkur Balaji Temple. I must say never ever have I seen any temple like this!

This 500 year-old Balaji Temple is 20 kms from the city in Chilkoor village in Ranga Reddy district on the Vikharabad highway. On the banks of the picturesque Osmansagar, it offers a good view of the Gandipet Dam.

There is no archana(offerings), hundi(money chest), dakshina or any other special pooja. No tickets for entry, only one kind of darshan, no matter who you are. There are no queue or prasad tickets as well.

When one goes to the temple and has an unfulfiled wish, he has to circle around the sanctum sanctorium 11 times. On fulfillment of that wish he/she has to circle around the sanctum sanctorium 108 times!

No paisa, no sifarish, sab ke liye ek hi rule!, just plain reverence. Something rare found in the temples across India. The powers of the temple are attributed to this fact and thousands of devotees throng the temple everyday! But one thing mann ko shanti milti hai!

There is a lot of history connected with the temple, more can be found on the website! The god here is also reffered to as ‘Visa venkateshwara’, simply coz ppl who come here before goin 2 Chennai for the visa process have all sucessfully gone through the process!

vanks

max

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