I speak bleak, you speak meek

We Indians are head and shoulders above all when it comes to butchering the English language. Any attempts to hand the Chinese a gold medal in this event will not be tolerated. They think that they speak English, whereas ours atleast remotely sounds like it! I was finishing up a post just as my friend ‘Kar‘ called to tell me of his new post. Having attended the same college and growing up in a similar environment(I went to a much better school though), I could instantly relate to the sequences. If you are looking for something more witty and funny then head over to ‘sthitapragnya‘, but do read on if you have nothing better to do.

Having studied in one of the most prestigious schools in the city, English was never a problem and it was the medium for instruction as well as conversation. When I was in the VIIIth however, the school hired a Phy.Edu teacher who(for the lack of a better word) was a from a Govt school and a state level volleyball player. He was the reason I begun playing volleyball, not because I was tall or my love for the game but just to hear him talk. We never knew his real name and called him JD(Junior Duryodhan), don’t ask me why but the name just stuck.

We were writing an exam and JD walked in with the question papers, there was immediate chatter on chit-passing techniques, hand symbols, cough-sneeze patterns etc. I know what you are thinking and yes, I have been notorious since then! Suddenly a voice erupts

who is sounding, who is sounding? yeez theej ejjamination haal or feesh maarkeat?

There was pin-drop silence in the room as we were all shocked,not by the outburst but trying to comprehend what he said! It continued for a minute and then everybody broke out into peals of laughter. this was followed by another missile

Yeediats, raaskels, why yuvar laffing re? Yeez Siliku Smitha dancing here or vat?

Maddening silence again with some stifled laughter. Suddenly the bespectacled guy in the front row broke into a titter and banged the desk. A lot of us(including me) were wondering as to who Ms.Siliku really was, but that could be saved for later as the laughter grew deafening. Unable to bear the din, our Chemistry teacher form the adjacent room rushed into reprimand us. What followed was a huge lecture on manners, respect, and general shame-on-you stuff. With great difficulty we finished the exam, but every time we asked for an additional sheet there were chuckles all over. There were only 15 more minutes left and people had begun turning their answer scripts in. A really dhamaal-girl(sorry, no names) had turned her paper and was walking towards the door, when again another gem from JD.

aye you big ribbon, shut the fan and open the window. Let the fresh wind enter.

For those who failed to get it, the girl had huge ribbons to tie her plaits. It was utter chaos as the girl was visibly embarrassed and the laughter was unstoppable. With great difficulty we all finished the exam and turned in our papers.

JD got a lot conscious after this incident and was judicious in his use of words thereafter. However JD did strike back but this post is getting a tad long, so let’s save it for part-two.

(Return of the JD, continued in part-two)