Nov
21
2009

The Bai Who Dumped Me – Part2

Continued from Part-1
Pand and Sunita are welcomed by R-Zed’s executive assistant, BRA who takes an immediate liking for Pand. Bhavani Rajeshwar Amrapurkar was an ardent fan of SRT, and hence decided to weirdly abbreviate her name. After Manpreet Brar did well at the Miss Universe pageant, she preferred to go by the name Ms.Bra instead! Pand sets up a meeting with R-Zed while Sunita is being engaged by Ms.Brar. Posing as a seller, Pand learns that R-Zed has acquired a few Russian submarines as part of his shipping empire. The marathas apparently have no problems with the Gults for almost all the Shirdi Sai temples around the world are built by gults. You either have Balaji temples or Shirdi Sai temples and almost every gult knows the aarthi in marathi. Who ever wondered that there would be such acceptance amongst the ranks but then R-Zed, boisterously reveals some of his plans of how he wishes to bring the city to its knees. Startled at first, Pand regains his composure and gleefully soaks up the details of the gruesome conspiracy. In a rare moment of stupidity, Pand reveals his real name to the maid when she asks him his choice of drinks. ‘The name is Pand, JMS Pand. No whiskey no rum, only country liquor with avakaya‘.

Having blown their cover, the pair make a dash in their car hoping to steal a motorboat. Unable to find one, they jump off R-Zed’s vessel into the sea with Ms.BRA trying to get them with a rocket launcher. The maruti-800 sinks into the sea and the pair are assumed dead, only for the tires to self-inflate and buoy the vehicle. With the car turning into a raft and enough food supply to feed a
party
of pilgrims
at the tirumala
feed a party of pilgrims at the tirumala, Pand and Sunita manage to stay alive and get ashore. Sunita falls for Pand while we weren’t sure if it was the handle-bar mustache, the grizzly chest hair or the pot belly that tipped the scales. Love was in the air, but they had no time for it afterall there was a city to save. Local media channels had picked up the scent from the fishermen about strange activity on the abandoned oil rig. With rising rumors, the coastguard is pressed into service and ordered to investigate if there was even a hint of truth behind those rumors. With help from the CID, Pand and Sunita manage to hop on board the coastguard as they once again head out towards the abandoned oil rig. Quite obviously that the PMS is not a band of small time thugs, or filmi villains who wait for the cops to apprehend them, the tables are turned this time as the coastguard is ambushed at sea.  Taking a leaf out of the methods of the Pirates of Aden, PMS mobsters surround the coastguard in dinghy boats thereby falling off the radar.

R-Zed imprisons everyone on the rig and takes Sunita hostage as he escapes in his Russian submarine, leaving his henchmen to carryout his dastardly plan. He wouldn’t miss the chance of watching the bloody bhaiyajis getting washed away and his beloved city of Mumbai cleansed, form a vantage point on a remote island sipping glass of  Kokam sherbet spiked with vodkaa  glass of  Kokam sherbet spiked with vodka. The plan was to arm the coastguard with  the stolen warheads and send it to coast with PMS assailants on board disguised as naval officers. With no one suspecting the coastguard, the plan would go unscathed and investigations later would assume a mole in the naval ranks. With the coastguard away and the clock for Mumbai’s destructing ticking, Pand fakes an argument in the cell with another naval officer on whether Ashok Saraf or Sadashiv Amrapurkar was the face of the marathas in Bollywood. A minor scuffle ensures wherein the guards intervene to quell the bickering. Pand seizes the opportunity to over power the guards and is helped by the naval officers as they reclaim the rig. With time running out and the coastguard now on its way towards Mumbai, Pand thinks of a plan crazy enough to work. Using the high frequency receiver built into his watch, Pand manages to latch onto a signal from a bhojpuri FM radio station. He then amplifies it using the speaker system on board the rig, and cranks up the volume.

Now bhojpuri music to the PMS is like playing Master of the Puppets at the Madras Music Academy during the Marghazhi music
festival in Chennai
the Madras Music Academy during the Marghazhi music festival in Chennai. Enraged by the venomous tunes of Deshdrohi blaring from the rig, the assailants turn the boat and decide to postpone the fate of Mumbai by a little. Having taken the bait and docked at the rig, the assailants are taken out by the naval officers and PMS is foiled. While they prepare to blow R-Zed’s submarine, Pand requests a breather so that he can rescue Sunita who is hostage on the island. Pand reaches the island only to be taken captive and brought before R-Zed, there he tries to talk PMS into giving in for their plans have been foiled and the coastguard will be in any minute. R-Zed agrees to broker a deal wherein a bevy of 26 beautiful women walk down the stairs carrying numbered briefcase. Only if life was as easy as picking a numbered briefcase, but Pand manages to overpower him into an isolation chamber. He leaves R-Zed to choose his fate with a knife, episodes of BigBoss 3 playing in full blast on loop and the coastguard fast approaching. Meanwhile Pand proposes marriage to Sunita who not only accepts but offers to celebrate with an intimate shower. Pand takes the bait and finds himself locked in the bathroom, while Sunita leaves him to be rescued by the coastguard and escapes in a boat. Turns out that Pand had unknowingly bumped Sunita’s fiancé in the train scuffle and she had sought revenge ever since. The only reason she spared his life was because of her returning the favor. Ha, what were you thinking otherwise? There’s no room for love in an agent’s life who yet again saves the day while we peacefully sleep unaware of the disaster that was averted.

(Image Courtesy: Working Title Films)

PS: Sorry for the two week delay in brining out Part-2

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internet connectivity addict, adventure enthusiast, twitter maniac and jack of all trades

7 Comments + Add Comment

  • [...] in Part-2If you enjoyed this post, then you may also like: None [...]

  • a tad late
    laughs galore nonetheless


    me: danke

  • yet another great wrk of fiction !!
    lol… feel sorry for Pand for havin missd the romance…


    me: no room for romance, when you want to save the world!

  • Hahaha, this is Lollu Sabha of the blog world! Send the script to the right people and have it filmed, the lines will be doubly funny on screen!

    • Satire is not that well received in Indian media, not on a large scale atleast. It would be great if we could have sketches like SNL or MADtv, but till then it’s only lollu sabha and cyrus broacha

  • Whatay bai!

  • Hah! have to agree with Gradwolf, but then ur right too…

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