Stop running like a headless Raavana

Senapathi, why hasn’t the bloody inverter kicked in yet? Feels like I’m in a furnace, we must talk to that Surya dude tomorrow about the rage he’s unleashing on us“.

My Lord, this is not a two-hour power cut. It is going to be like this all day. The inverter can only last for a few hours. You buying this Voltas AC on the basis of that stupid TVC ain’t helping either.

All day? What are they snorting? This is Chennai not Simla/Ooty where  even two hours without electricity feels like Kumbhipakam! Go find out where the CM’s granddaughters study, we’ll kidnap them.

Looks like you haven’t been following the political scene in the state. We have a new CM & if you try to kidnap this behemoth,  you’ll end up crushing our last remaining private jet under her weight.

Nonsense, I am Ahiraavana! The last living Daitya and descendant of the mighty Ravana. So what if the magical pushpakvimana was replaced by a private jet? It is still enough to pick up a head of state and more importantly a mere mortal. Find out where she lives, we shall leave at once!

Stubborn and foolish like your great ancestor. JJ is the second most feared woman in this country, the first being a vociferous Bong who calls everyone maoists. It will be the stupidest move in Daitya history if you
mistake
Poe’s Garden
to be Ashokavana
if you mistake Poe’s Garden to be Ashokavana.

Silence, you insolent oaf! A mere senapathi cannot talk to a Daitya king like this.  I shall forgive you now only because your ancestors have been serving us since the time of Prajapatis.

Your majesty’s kindness is unparalleled, let me see what the guys from BRA are pushing against these days “.

Not them, no! never in a million years am I again enlisting their services. After the damage they caused me last time, I was ready to drown in a cup full of water. Just that I couldn’t find the right cup size!

How about Mareecha then? Their family has helped your ancestors in previous conquests. Shall I summon him?

Ah the Asura from the gifted lineage of shape-shifters, what is the good man upto these days? We’ll need his services to lure the CM out of Poe’s garden“.

He spends his time around the IIT campus disguised as a deer overlooking teens necking behind the trees. They say he’s lost his heart to a young lass but cannot muster the courage to talk to her. So he just gazes at this newly joined professor from the woods, like that is not awkward!, I shall summon him at once.

Yes that will be great also since I hear that women at IIT are now accompanied by male escorts. I don’t think there is a better time for us to get into the ancestral business of kidnapping women. We can pose as male escorts and when the women trust us to walk them home safely we can whisk them away.

Maharaja, you may not know this but in modern parlance, male escorts refers to something else entirely. Also women at the campus are given whistles for their safety in case the escorts misbehave.

How dare you take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks! We shall kidnap them long before they even realise they have a whistle. This society doesn’t like whistle blowerssociety doesn’t like whistle blowers, don’t you read the papers these days? Also I’m not the petty owner of a visiting IPL team to piss my pants when I hear a whistle.

May the great Daitya have mercy on me again. I suggest we enlist the services of a certain actor who also happens to be her neighbour. We can promise him success in his movies, fame and the regular package that we offered that useless fellow Ajith for his comments during the actors agitation for our beloved Lanka.

Do you even know who you are talking about? It is the superstar himself, within minutes we’ll get torched alive. Let’s just do something easy like inciting Thala Ajith fans by spreading a rumour that the CM has stalled the release of Billa2. I hear those guys are more dangerous than a gang of rabid seals, they should be able to create a ruckus that will force the CM to step out of her mansion & pacify them. That is when we make our move and then hold the state to ransom!

Pardon my insolence, but you over estimate Thala Ajith fans and the clout they hold. The most they can do is outrage on social media, post comments on blogs & youtube wars. Expecting anything more from them is sillier than expecting Mumbai Indians to win the IPL.

Damn it, can’t rely on fans these days for anything. Fine let’s do it plain & simple the old way. Find some opium and we’ll just drug the CM, slip it into her meal & she’ll just walk with us.

O Daityaputra, we have to bolt. There’s a man called Dhoble at the door & he doesn’t look very pleased!

(Image Courtesy: Emami Group)