The curse of the Pink Pant(y)her

The Shri Ram Sene headed by Pramod Mutalik is out to seek romancing couples on valentines day and get the to either tie a rakhi or a mangalsutra! They have been backed by some groups and more interestingly couples facing opposition from their parents. All they have to do is show up on the streets on Bangalore hand-in-hand on the aforementioned day and their new best friends will get them married with immediate registration. It also gives married couples a chance to renew their vows once again just for kicks. So if the tectonic plates of your marriage  seem to be rubbing against each other, getting married again may seem a fruitful option. What seems the easiest way to grab national headlines today? Well beat up a few women while the media cameras click in frenzy, a few flaming speeches, prime time discussions in news channels and a threat to intensify things. I’ve been hearing a lot from the blogosphere about campaigns to fill the pubs, drain pitchers and raise a toast to the hardliners. This is where I see a disconnect, people just want a reason to chug a few mugs and the Ram Sene just want to hog the headlines. Now everybody wants to get in and have their say and hope to make a difference. We decided to wash our hands as well in this ganda-valentine-ka-nala

We must assume a few things though, according to Indian culture we aren’t allowed to be tolerant to other religions, we must abhor people belonging to another caste, one mustn’t even dream to be kind and happy and most importantly you just
can’t
be reasonable
you just can’t be reasonable, intelligent and use common sense. Hence we have to find problems with women on the streets, women in pubs, the attire of youngsters and just about everything. We shall however encourage eve-teasing, domestic violence drunk physical abuse, dowry deaths, gambling and other vices for they are part of our vedas. Less that 1% of our population can be found holding hands in pubs and malls, yet we shall target them as the biggest problem grappling our nation. Though people are dying of unemployment, hunger, malnutrition and debts the GenX is a much bigger problem. What if drunk men beat their wives and extort dowry, we’ve got bigger problems like these mall rats who hamper the cultural growth.

I guess Muthalik never expected the response and the publicity. He’s now using the media like a dildousing the media like a dildo, and they are lapping it up for they get some action! Think about it, if you were a dildo, would you complain? OH shit, I guess the Ram Sene will launch an attack against us for the previous line, but then what the hell! From a rank outsider, today he is on everyone’s lips right from Garuda Mall to Greater Kailash. There was a time when not even a regional news reporter would do an interview despite a hefty bribe, and today he occupies the coveted 9PM slot on all national news channels. Even if he has to be jailed for the actions of his outfit, he’d take it as the purpose has been served. He has managed to reach out to people who could never even point Mangalore on the map, what more could he ask? The media has been his weapon and he has used it like a bazooka to announce his arrival and stamp his omnipresence on blogs, newspapers and discussion. Ever heard the story of how a snake-charmer dies to a snakebite, similarly those who live by the media will die by it. But then who is to be blamed? Muthalik, the media, the scandal-crazy junta or our so-called culture?

Then comes the campaigns and I hear that stores are running out of stockstores are running out of stock for pink underwear. What fails to get into my thick skull is the choice of underwear as a token and its colour. Why only underwear and not anything useful or atleast symbolic like flowers? also why does it have to be only pink? Do the expect the Ram Sene workers to use the innerwear as headgear? What can someone possibly do with a pile of underwear, atleast hankys would be useful! Also there is this nationwide call to go fill the pubs as a protest and chug a few shots of your favorite spirits. If there was free booze by participating pubs then I’m game, else it’s just another excuse to get high! I’m still trying to think, who in the world gifts chaddies! It’s not like you are gifting someone a box of kaju barfi or anything. Imagine going to a store and asking for pink innerwear and the look that you’d get in return! If you want to start a campaign lets do it for a good cause and more importantly lets use something better than chaddies! Idiocy knows no bounds and to counter the chaddi campaign we have a pink condom campaign as well! If buying pink chaddies was silly enough, imagine going and asking for pink condoms! What’s next guys, a pink hair clip campaign or a pink lipstick campaign? I’m sure we can get the cosmetic giants to sponsor it as well, and donate a few free samples!

The one benefiting from all this is Muthalikbenefiting from all this is Muthalik who occupys atleast 2-3 posts(this included) in every feed reader these days. So what do we have to look forward to? Remember how you’d give everyone return gifts on your birthday, well Muthalik will be doing the same with sarees for every chaddi. Very soon Valentines day shall be observed to mark the rise of Pramod Muthalik and if he ever becomes a national figure then then Valentines day shall be added to the national calendar on par with Diwali and Dushera. I’m not sure how St.Valentine feels about it, but Swami Muthalikine will sure be pleased. Refuting rumors of his entry to politics, Muthalik rubbished the campaign by saying “Instead of talking at such base levels on the issue of
Indian culture that I have raised, it will be better to debate it at the
ideological level. I am prepared for that. Let there be a discussion on it
across the table
[link]”. So till another controversy rock sthe media and grabs our attention, the Ram Sene can happily soak up the limelight.

(Image Courtesy: mangalorean.com)

PS: The title of this post is inspired by a very famous movie franchise with a recent desi connection. All puns are totally intended and so is the raunchyness of some portions!