Mar
17
2013

The Kitchens of Indraprashta

Krishna & Arjuna - CokeIndraprashta looked stunning in spring as the royal gardens were in bloom. The chirping of birds, the chatter of the maids & the soldiers were once again practicing outdoors showing off their valor  A familiar figure walked through the courtyard leaving his sandalwood fragrance through out the palace. The maids were giving him shy glances as the peacock feather on his crown danced to the draft of air from the roof. He wished to see his best friend and the guard let him through like always. There on a huge bed sat the finest archer of the yuga, polishing the tip of his arrows while the menacing Gandiva lay beside him.

“It’s not hunting season & I don’t see a battle in the recent future, why are you working so hard on those arrows Partha?”

“Oh Kanha, don’t act like you don’t know, this is the hardest week for me. Hours seem like years. Only I know how I’ve spent the last 4yrs & 51 weeks”

“Ah yes the 5yrs itch, So I take it that you wish to impress your bride by showing off all the weapons you’ve acquired while she was with your brothers?”

“Do I even have a choice? Yudi bhaiyya has his wit, Nakul & Sahadev have the looks and are the most caring men in bharatavarsha, and let’s not even talk of majhle bhaiyya.”

“What do you have to fear from Bhimsen the brawn? I’d have expected him to be the least of your worries.”

“Well, I share a common wall with his quarters and let me say this politely that the walls of Indraprashta as not as thick as our pillars & gates. Going by what I hear at night, matching up to is going to feel like riding a goat after having dismounted from an elephant.”

Dude TMI!, Krishnaa is like a sister to me, spare me the details.”

“You won’t understand, I shouldn’t have even brought it up. My bad sorry.”

“What you lack in brute power & rage you do make up in your charms, so you should not be all that worried my dear friend”

“How can anyone compare to the aphrodisiacs he cooks up in his kitchen, I’m at a disadvantage even before I start. ”

“Ah so the great Arjuna now wants to cook his way to affection, why didn’t you start with that? You could have spared me the mental images.”

“Spare me the sarcasm, and help me out here. I want to welcome her with an entire spread prepared by me, let’s see you work your magic.”

“It looks like you were expecting me to drop by & teach you to cook, now what a fun way to spend my weekend. Instead of meeting my designer for my vasant panchami red carpet, I’m gonna
have
to teach
a lovelorn archer
to wield a spatula
I’m gonna have to teach a lovelorn archer to wield a spatula.”

“Enough damage!  I wan’t to try out some rice & lentil crepes I ate on my journeys to the south. I forget the name but they were heavenly.”

“Well of course, you are talking about the worldfamous dosa, they are best served hot with a dollop of butter. The aroma of melting butter is severely well played!”

“Pch, Maakhan choraa & your butter fantasy. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you licked butter off your lovers waist.”

“If you wan’t me to help you out, we gotta keep this conversation decent & family friendly. Now I see you’ve already got the batter going here. Now let’s take a ladle-full of batter & spread it on the hot pan in a circular motion.”

“Ha! This looks just like the chakravyuha, I’m already liking this a lot. We could try other formations too, let me flip this now.”

“Tut Tut, you impatient son of Pandu. Not so soon! You see Partha, one must always let the dosa speak to you. It will tell you when it is ready to be flipped.”

“I agree I’m buying into this madness solely to impress panchali, but you cannot expect me to believe tripe like a talking dosa. What’s next a singing mutton chop?”

“Oh Sabysasachi how can you be so naive? When at war how do you know the opportune moment to use the right astra?”

“Well you know, I… I see the way the war is going… and…. and… umm umm the battleground tells me… um… ok ok never mind I get it. What next after we flip these puppies?”

“The battle is just half won, we’ll have to make something to go with it like a chutney or a curry. Why don’t you start by dicing these tomatoes?”

“Ha! Govinda this is going to be as easy as shooting the eye of a wooden bird on a tree. You just watch & be amazed.”

“C’mon Dhananjaya, these are soft juicy tomatoes that need to be chopped delicately not axed like how Parasurama hacked Kartaveerya & his sons. Let me show you how it’s done. ”

“Fine have your way, but what’s with the self-referential analogy? Surely you can do better”

“Why don’t you help me peel some onions while I finish these tomatoes, I’ll show you how to chop those.”

“Watch me will you, owww my eyes… my eyes….”

“Ayyo rama, who’d have thunk that the brave Panduputra would be wailing like a 5yr old girl.”

“Dude that was severe meta, You gotta stop these. What is in them? I should squeeze some onion juice on the tip of my arrows next time.”

“Aaaah ok fine let me finish it for you, Once you chop them, you cook them with salt & other spices till it reduces and becomes pasty. Now try it with the dosas & tell me how yo like it”

“Keshav, this is most definitely food for the gods, I can’t wait to sweep Draupadi off her feet. What else can I make?”

“Don’t stress too much about them, look at what you have in the royal pantry and let the ingredients talk to you.”

“Oh yea like that helps a lot, Why can’t you hang around and show me a few delicacies more?”

“You learnt to become a great marksman by shooting arrows at a target in the dark, surely you can whip up some dishes if you follow a flavor profile.”

“I will however leave you with a talisman. When in doubt Arjuna, just chop some onions!

(Image Courtesy: Ithcamyth)

PS: This is an attempt at fan-fiction and is to be taken in jest. Kindly spare me the outrage.

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9 Comments + Add Comment

  • Idiot..try someother religions also.

  • Who is the Idiot published this, just to take for a ride the BHARATHIYA DHARMA – that poured light for all over the world for a long long past – to make it for his earning by advertisements for his old-stock of dirty-water? If you disclose your name, I would come personally to shoot you at site. PLEASE WITHDRAW THE PICTURE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE – Prof. M.Varma

    • Chut. If you dont like the post , get the fuck out of here. You SoB, gangbang was prevalent even in the Mahabharatha. Then why are you cunt-brains harping about so called dharma and sanskaar.

  • The Blogger is a bloody Rogue. He plays mischief on the Indian Philosophy and the Indian Ancient Knowledge also that made the world brighten – the Light of Asia and the Light of the World.

  • […] was overwhelmed with the feedback I got on the last post. You have no idea how happy the death threat made me feel. There are good comments, There are […]

  • I Request you to withdraw the Picture.
    This is not good
    Please play with any religions…

  • who is this stupid….
    Take this picture out of you website and apologize for your stupidity…..
    you seems to be over materialistic , who has forgotten that your time will come one day , ripper spares no one…

  • Stupidity ! do you have commonsense

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