Valentines Day always comes with it’s share of controversies every year. Be it fanatic Hindu groups trying to forcibly marry couples they manage to find, or hooligans ransacking gift shops. Such actions only irk couples to show their solidarity and oppose rowdy elements. On the other side of the spectrum it is they day Hallmark, Cadburys and other companies announce employee bonuses and targets for the next rose day, sister-in-law day and I-miss-my-doggy day. With brigands like Pramod Muthalik adding fuel to the fire, it is only befitting that the media makes it a spectacle event with panel discussions, running stories of couples who’ve eloped or fought the society, and positioning reporters at strategic points frequented by couples for ‘aankhon dekha haal‘. You guessed it right, it’s one of those moments where a mic is thrust between two couples for a ‘aap is waqt kaisa mehsoos kar rahe hain‘ moment and their 15seconds of fame. After that they are either hunted down by the keepers of culture or banished from their homes for nose-cutting in front of society, hence the 15 seconds of fame.
I generally keep away from the melee of these excuse-for-greeting-card days unless it is religious where in payasam makes up for everything. Today however my reader and the twitterverse have been exceedingly chirpy with sappy odes and cheesy ballads being written. With everyone writing around a central theme, I was more than happy to select all and hit the mark-as-read button. Today I came across a secret society hidden behind broad shoulders, chiseled jaw lines, and well built torsos. The secret meetings of the #GRCA take place in an undisclosed location, but I figured out that becoming a pledge isn’t all that difficult. I don’t have a problem with guys who like romantic comedies, nor do I judge them. I’ve enjoyed a few myself and ain’t ashamed to admit it. I am however appalled by allegiance pledged to sappy english movies and hardly any desi ones. The omission of desi cinema from this list, was a further shocker. From what I hear, telling someone you liked Pardes isn’t gonna raise any eyebrows, but add Notting Hill to that list and your membership to the macho club is revoked! This post is for those men who wished to be left alone and not judged for their choices in sappy cinema and love for tearjerkers. For every Gauri who wants a guy with a neem tree in his yard, for every Ganga who’s world is where her piya is, for every Simran who sings to the person in her dreams, for every Zaara who awaits her Veer, for every Raj Aryan who returns to complete Megha , for every Madhav Shastri who got 5 days to win over a Reena Malhotra, there are others!
What about the men who’s postal address is the heart of the women they chase? It’s not our fault if our garments turn out to be sexy and everyone wants a piece of us. What’s wrong with cavorting in fields of wheat, or men who like to verbally abuse women so that their cheeks turn white! Not many men have the audacity to tell a girl to go to hell when asked to make love, but we do find it easy to tell them to move their beds closer at night. If our touch sends shock waves and something something happens, who do you blame? Trading two states in exchange for a kiss may not quite be worthwhile, but you ought to atleast respect the emotion! Imagine the plight of women whose cheeks are life threatening, or those who leave the door open in their sleep! Isn’t our purpose on this earth to love and die, because women posses magic in their waists and stern looks! What does one do when the buttons of a kurta go missing, well the answer is to place an ad in the papers for there is no better way to get the message across. Someone once told me how to go about if the girl was all gori gori with a rich daddy, I believe the answer is to shed all inhibitions and seek alms to pester her. When a girl asks you to taste her for she is all cream and butter, you have nothing more to say but plead her to repeat it once again. When there are fabulous women who shoot bullets with their eyes, guys have no chance to give in and love just happens! When pieces of your upper garment are not where they were supposed to be, it is best to ask your father for further clarification. When a woman gives you fever, tastes like wine or is simply fabulous, all you can do is wish to sleep in her arms.
With situations like these how dare we look elsewhere for inspiration? I move the motion to amend the laws of the #GRCA and make bollywood masala a mandatory ingredient! If you still have any doubts, then just sing in the rain and that shall pwn everything else. This is however syllabus for a different post, so abhi ke liye lite le lo.
PPS: Sorry for the heavy linkage, kya kare control nahin hota!