Balance the equation

After a few posts of southie balderdash that got nobody’s attention and almost had people taking us of their blogrolls, I’m back! Yes bhaiyon aur unke behenon, This is Munna Mobile bringing you news that you cannot use from our secret bunker in the hinterlands. The title of this post may seem out of place but then we have a knack of picking the weirdest titles and that is atleast one thing we are darn good at. Balancing an equation is something you learn in a school math class while solving for ‘x’. You either multiply or divide on both sides to cancel out the denominator while dealing with fractions. The same concept carried out into chemistry class years later if you remember. Now that we’ve got that theoretical bullcrap and you’re still reeling under this heavy first para trying to figure out what this is all about.

He is you. Your opposite; your negative. The result of the equation trying to balance itself out.

The Matrix Revolutions was on TV over the weekend and we just couldn’t help noticing a very memorable dialog was pointing us in the same direction. When the Oracle tells Neo that he and Smith are two sides of the same equation, she isn’t merely implying that he needs to kick some serious agent butt. There is hidden a very subtle yet  important lesson that would need an extremely high degree of tactfulness to comprehend. That being the reason neither you or me seem to get it, but only a chosen few can. Our resident philosopher, tells us that even life and nature has it’s own way to balance out effects and incidents. We are not just assuming this based on his immense wit and knowledge, but because we’ve seen hundreds of total-duds go out with super-solid-ladeej. Don’t tell me you haven’t run into a couple and wondered how in the world did they end up being together? We often tend to envy someone for their looks, be it spotless skin and long flowing tresses for women or perfectly chiseled torsos and strong abs for men. All this until they begin to speak, bang at that moment God decides to have some fun and out comes the worst gobbledygook you’ve heard! Yet people like Arbaaz Khan make you question the existence of God for having landed hot as hell like the sultry Malaika!

Mayawati or behenji as she likes to be addressed as was on a statue building spree before being pulled up by the supreme court. Now so-called great
leaders
with over-sized ego’s
so-called great leaders with over-sized ego’s, love making statues of themselves while they are alive. Our guess is that carrying mothers are supposed to gaze and fantasize at these statues everyday and beget children as brilliant as these leaders. Generally governments erect statues in memory of deceased leaders to remind people of their glorious past. However self-erecting leaders(pun unintended) for sure know that their statues will never be erected and hence take things into their own hands(again pun unintended). The thing with statues is that they are huge and hence cost a fortune, you could feed all the elephants in a summer camp in Kerala. Now imagine what a hundred of these could do, that would mean feeding all the elephants in Bali & Thailand!

When you have pilferage of funds with a gigantic degree of monstrosity, how on earth do you try to neutralize it? Well the answer lies with their partner in crime coalition, the Indian National Congress party. Madamji or should I say the UPA Govt announced austerity measures and have everyone fall in tow. So what would generally be a 30min wait at airports to board a flight got moved ahead to extended pre-boarding lasting close to 90minspre-boarding lasting close to 90mins. Our sources tell us that some of the plush airports are considering the option of multiplex-screens to engage passengers while the palteeshans and bureaucrats board the flights with all their paraphernalia!  A few airline operators also tried catching the austerity wave, only to have their pilots striking, fist-fighting and a lot more. A flight attendant who wish to remain anonymous revealed to us that they were so enraged by the MEA calling it cattle-class, that they let in rats as a sign to symbolically show how passengers actually treated like sewer rats and not like  Ongole Oxen!

Passengers at train stations are not so lucky but our sources in the Rail Ministry tell us that platforms are going to be extended by a kilometer on
either side
extended by a kilometer on either side thereby giving people some breathing space.  Not sure if it is the mishti doi they now get for breakfast daily at work, because even having 10km long platforms will do no good as long as the trains remain the same size. They could however be used for challenges of ‘Khatron ke Khiladi‘ or maybe even if they wanted to do a Ghulam-2. A close associate of the minister however told us that they plan to promote cultural dance forms in the trains between stations. What a brilliant idea to increase the number of suffocated beings on the platform when the attempt was in fact to assuage the deluge of security. Apart from airlifting jeeps and delaying trains even more, we wonder how much the govt has really managed to save other than throw travel out of rhythm for the aam-admi.

Our guess is that the reason officials chose to talk off the record with us, was because they probably feared opening a purushottams box and the backlash that may follow. We shall bring you more news that you can’t use soon, but till then we’ll let the marathas entertain you with their political gimmicks!

(Images Courtesy: ew,mikeblaber)