Cup jaye par kapde na jaye

Dear Sreesanth, ladies and gentlemen, this is Munna Mobile reporting from the Wankhede stadium with hours to go before the mother-in-law of all clashes goes underway & decides who the who lifts the world cup. Also I hope I’ve pleased fans of the Kochi Tusker who outraged over my salutation in the previous edition where we put him after men and women. The whole country is gripped with world cup fever and with India making it to the finals, every other event in the nation has been swept under the sofa. This has however been usurped by the news of a young Mumbai lass vowing to shed her clothes if the home team won. This has caused more than half the country to choke over their filter coffee and Hindu paper. Even the cops stationed at the Wankhede for finals bandobast were dumbfounded by this revelation. Now if you can get a pandu to talk about anything other than vada pav and dada kondkar movies, then you have truly arrived! But before we delve into the discussions we had over chai and beedi, we must report on the dame and her nudist endeavors.

Before India’s semi-final clash with arch rivals Pakistan, an unknown upcoming model played the best ever popularity card that catapulted her to every web portal and news channel. Larissa Riquelme hit the jackpot during the soccer world cup that made her the darling of the media, and now Ms.Pandey has now soared the popularity charts to become the most googled women this past week. This has however not gone well with the so-called guardians of Hindu culture who have publicly outraged against the model. “We will
tolerate this nagna-pradarshan
We will not tolerate this nagna-pradarshan, it is against our parampara, anushasan ans shishtachar“, thundered a visibly upset Praveen Togadia channeling his inner Amitabh Bachchan from Mohobattein. Kunjumon Sreesanthakutty, secy of chichpokli Sreesanth fans association had an interesting view, “The bigger issue is that she will parade herself in the nude and become the new team mascot/lucky charm thus dethroning the rightful owner of that position“. We agree that this is indeed a serious problem, for afterall the hot-headed somewhat fast bowlers biggest contribution in this tournament has been his clapping and cheering. We spotted Shri Ram Sene activist and panty fetish lover Pramod Muthalik with a boxfull of panties camping outside the stadium. “We are all here to cheer the victory of dharma over these lowly descendants of Raavana, and she wants to spoil all this by shedding her clothes! Had it been Mallika Sherawat, then we could have given it some thought“. Strong words those especially when coming from someone with such lascivious tastes.

In a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding, the BCCI called an emergency all body meeting last night. Having won the all important semi-final against Pakistan, renders this game a mere formality as all focus is now on the greatest cricket carnival a.k.a IPL. Supremo Sharad Pawar was in no mood to throw the game and let go of the trophy, but a portrait of Krishna doing the Gitopadesh on the wall, forced him to change his decision. “Think of what Ekta Kapoors Mahabharat has
taught us
what Ekta Kapoors Mahabharat has taught us, we can’t let a woman’s honor board a ship just like that. Our players  shall huddle around the poor lady and protect her from the media glare to thwart this disrobing attempt
“. There were also talks of lighting a lamp, giving her a shawl to protect her modesty and a keynote address by the supremo himself. The doors flung open and a mysterious man wearing a shroud with two blackberries in either hand appeared in the silhouette. “The IPL is the real deal, who cares for a final, just throw the game. I can even shift the game to South Africa if needed, that ways she won’t be able to obtain a visa on such short notice“. The words of this shrouded man who spoke with a lisp and a lightsaber tucked under his belt struck a chord with everyone in the room. It was thus decided that India would throw the world cup final with Sachin Tendulkar being the chief architect of this collapse. We tried asking the icon his views on being compared to Lord Krishna and his great service to Indian culture by putting petri dish before country. He only mumbled something about us getting VISA power and it’s long term benefits. The ruling party in Tamil Nadu not wanting to miss out on this opportunity has supported this move since Sri Lankans are tamils. “Our wishes are with our brothers from eelam and we are always with the tamils any part of the world, why should we support these amits who pray to a god whose birth certificates and engineering degree cant be produced!“, thundered the aging patriarch.

(You are free to believe what you want to, just don’t burn my house)

PS: Title inspired by this movie.