North Korea upset over Endhiran

Ladeej and juntalmen, this is ace journalist and soon-to-be media baron Munna Mobile reporting from our secret base in Pyongyang. For those of you wondering if we are in the basement of a abandoned Chinese restaurant in Vadapalani/Lingampally/Kalbadevi, screw you. With loads of alacrity, we’ve managed to clandestinely enter the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea(DPRK). You see we hopped onto the contingent that was returning form the soccer world cup in South Africa in place of a few dudes who were promised better lives in India. All we had to do is arrange for a woolens/shawls/jackets shop in the Ooty Tibetan market and there we had a deal! Maybe we lied a little of how the shawl sellers were descendants of the Koreans and would be very welcoming to their cousins from the east. Anything goes as long as we get a kickass story and capture stellar images that helps us win the Pulitzer Prize for journalism. With me is my able and trusted cameraman James Bilahari who’s twin brother Albert Bhairavi is currently working undercover to unearth a scam in the Commonwealth Games. With us is our guide and local liquor store owner Sing-Mun-Gen(SMG) who is the only man in the city to stock Toddy, Arrack and Zingaro beer. SMG was fathered by a toddy shop owner in Rayalaseema by the name Verrasankara Reddy which explains his Indian connection and taste for country liquor. Since our stay here is funded by toddy soaked currency, we refrained from bringing you this bulletin on Oct 2nd and not hurt the Indian sentiments.

For those unaware about the technical difficulties we’ve faced to bring you this bulletin under the great regime of our dear leader, here are some facts. Under dear leaders reign internet access is forbidden and irrelevant, since computers are banned. Heck ordinary citizens don’t have refrigerators, stoves, or even telephones. So if you think we’ve been sipping chilled beer then think again, and that is why toddy is so popular here! We are happy though that access to paper is strictly restricted(writing paper i.e, newspapers are allowed). Kindly use water in the toilets desi style, unless you want the headlines plastered on your bottoms. Television is almost an unheard technology and available only to folks connected to dear leader or in public community centers. We were toying with the idea of hijacking their broadcasts but later realized that North Korea’s one broadcast network is all that is allowed, #facepalm. We managed to smuggle the tapes and equipment in beer cartons as we bid dear leaders nation a tearful goodbye.

Our investigations have revealed that North Korea for the past few years has been extensively working on a human-android-robot program. There are a few that even resemble out
leader called jong-bots
resemble out dear leader called jong-bots, which not only act as decoys but also enable our dear leader to make multiple appearances. The rest named kim-bots were supposed to be used in warfare as the undernourished poverty stricken soldiers refused to take up arms for sure-failure missions. We managed to accost an associate of dear leader who agreed to talk to us off the record, who refused to speak in any language but native Korean. He also refused to divulge his real name and therefore for accounting purposes we took it down as Umakanth Maheshwari. According to senor Maheswari and translated by my trusted liquor-devata SMG, we quote the following off-record of course.  “We suspect the makers of Endhiran of having stolen their blueprints and mocking their technology by making a movie out of it. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea isn’t against cinema as a form of entertainment, infact our Dear Leader himself made a great movie which was later shamelessly plagiarized by the west with explosions and jazzy effects. Dear leader was forgiving enough to ignore the antics of the west in that but this trumps that. Stealing movie plots is one thing but making a movie out of our military secrets is like ridiculing years of research“. Clearly dear leader is pissed with the endeavors of Shankar & his team, wonder what could be done to calm this storm.

We tried talking to one of the scientists who again wished to be unnamed and speak only off-record. Again for accounting purposes we shall refer to him as Dr. Ramar Pillai throughout this interview. With the efforts of our able translator, we quote the following off-record obviously. “We had to destroy our Clinton-bots & Blair-botsdestroy our Clinton-bots & Blair-bots as they were no longer in power and our research began over twelve years ago. We suspect these Indian people must have found the trashed parts in one of our junkyards and then stole our defunct blueprints. We planned to use these bots to impersonate world leaders and trigger wars thereby weakening their nations. When we realized the leaders were embroiled in controversies, we resorted to making our own army of jong-bots modeled after our Dear Leader. It was supposed to take the world by surprise and dent their over-sized egos, but now we no longer have the element of surprise with us. Even if we decide to go ahead with the project, we’ll be labeled as a bunch of lunatics trying to bring a movie script to life“. We’ve also learnt that the North Korean efforts to collude with Japan and bring India to cower in fear were squashed when they found out that the movie has been raking in mind-blowing sales all over Japan. Thus a dejected nation now has to either live with the fact that the the world is going to accuse them of trying to bring an Indian movie script to life, or shelve this ambitious project and use the jong-bots for public service and community help.

Clearly something a nation harboring plans of world domination by getting the west to #ShitBricks, did not expect to be torn apart by a balding man in his sixties sporting a mustache that went out of fashion when Freddie Mercury was around! With cameraperson James Bilahari, this is ace journalist Munna Mobile signing off form Pyongyang.

(Image Courtesy: Sulekha & Flickr)