Om jai lalu hare

Om jai lalu hare
swamy jai lalu hare
chaare ke ghotaale
railway ke mantralay
rabri sangh door kare
Om jai lalu hare
Kitne scam mein pakde gaye
phir bhi jail na gaye
Swami phir bhi jail na gaye
ghar mein cricket teaam banaye
bihar gaye tel lene
paisa toh hain desh ka
Om jai lalu hare

A more sombre and watered down version of the above lines may really be sung to the sound of cymbals and bells pretty soon. Ace reporter and Munna Mobile gets us first hand information from the bhojpuri heartland on this developing story.

After ‘lalu chalisa‘, ‘lalu dolls‘, ‘lalu khaini‘(tobacco), ‘lalu ka khazana‘(chocolates) and ‘lalu chale sasural‘(cosmetics) it’s time for
the great
one himself
time for worshiping the great one himself! I kid you not when I say this, Lalu Prasad Yadav and his consort Rabri Devi will now grace the sanctum sanctorum of a temple in Bihar. This is exactly what a family of die hard supporters plan to do this election season. Our sources tell us that a piece of land has been alloted and the ‘bhoomi puja‘ has also been performed. The dynamic duo have been termed as a modern day incarnation of Lord Krishna and Radha. To the best of our memory Radha and Lord Krishna were never married, but then whose looking for logic anyways! Seen as the messiahs of the needy, protectors of the honour and prestige of the poor and uplifters of the downtrodden masses, the temple seems to be full on publicity! Seriously whoever comes up with such lines, should write for the movies I say. If thats not enough many have been harbouring thoughts of dedicating a temple, and only now their dreams seem to be taking shape. With approximately 50 lakh needed for construction that includes 5ft marble idols, all eyes are on the election purses. The Lord Krishna reference seems slightly apt, firstly for Lalu Yaday loves cattle just like the eternal enchanter. Another striking similarity is like how Lord Krishna waas fondly called a ‘maakhan chor‘(butter thief), Lalu yadav could be called ‘chaara chor‘(fodder stealer)!

‘Hundreds of villagers attended the bhumi puja (ground breaking ceremony) on Sunday,’ Rajeshwar Yadav, the brain behind the Lalu-Rabri temple, told IANS.
He said that life-sized idols of Lalu Prasad, who heads the Rashtriya Janata Dal (RJD), and his wife Rabri Devi, both former chief ministers of Bihar, would be installed in the temple.[link]

While this news may be overshadowed by the bhang at most holi parties this year, the south accuses them of apingthe south accuses them of aping another of their traditions. Buildings temples is nothing new to the civilizations south of the vindhyas. Screen starlet Khushboo and more recently the bovine and buxom Namitha have both had temples built for them in Trichy and Nellai. An unnamed source from the film industry was quoted saying that ‘The building of temples for our screen goddesses is copyrighted to the Tamil film industry and we shall stage a dharna if used for politicians. Buses will be burnt and it will be shown live on news channels‘. We’ve always wondered as to what the idols and poses of the framed images would look like. Very rarely in any of their films have they been unglamorous or even remotely looked divine, so It’s hard to imagine what the idols may look like. And if they are what we think they may be like, I pity the caretakers or the so-called priests. We are pretty sure that a majority of these are sleazy video parlour owners, also what do people ask for in such places of worship? Do they ogle at the curves or pray for soulmates that look close to them. Are they museums or just places to sit in a group and let your fantasies run wild?

Coming back to Lalu Yadav and Rabri Devi, we wonder if the temple is another political gimmick, for the most you could get for your devotion could be a railway station! All we can think is the immortal verse from the greatest living bardimmortal verse from the greatest living bard of our times, Altaf Raja. ‘Tum toh tehre pardesi, saath kya nibhaogey. Subah pehli gaadi se ghar ko laut jaaogey‘. At first the above verse may seem like the cries of a station master wailing to the passengers on the railway platform. Closer and more astute analysis though will reveal the real philosophy of life. Our souls are like strangers that enter this world today in a vehicle called birth, and tomorrow we leave on a vehicle called death. Where is the time to stay together I say! Such profound words surely deserve more respect than mere qawwali status. Our sources tell us that the temple predicts a deluge of devotees a majority of which constitute the bihari youths appearing for public service and railways exaaminations all over the country. There is also the word doing the rounds that chewing nothing but cattle fodder for a week, reciting the lalu chalisa thrice daily and circumambulating the temple 108 times everyday would surely land you your coveted job! This mannat will lot land you outside SRK’s house in Bandra but it’s for believers they say! Call it faith, devotion of just political mileage, whatever be the cause Lord lalu is here to stay and bless us with poverty prosperity, Jai ho!

(Image Courtesy: The Hindu)

PS: All references are purely in jest and not to be taaken personally against any community whatsoever. If you saee the funny side of it do comment and let us know, else there is a X button on the top right corner of your screen!

PPS: Oh what the hell, go ahead and flame me, just don’t call the courts!