Page 3 on terror
The Mumbai attacks have left the country thunderstruck and we have all being glued to the news for the last 48 hours. It is definitely a moment of sorrow and our condolences are with all that have been affected. While the real heroes like the firemen, cops and the NSG commandos have all been unsung, it’s the Page 3 circuit that has been drawing maximum footage. At a time when lives are being lost and the city that never sleeps is panic stricken everybody seems to want to have their four annas. There have been bloggers writing 2-3 posts a day, some smart ones even live blogging the events. The twitterverse hasn’t been any better with everybody making #mumbai tweets. People have been tweeting helpline numbers and regular updates like they are on a singular mission to inform the whole world. Somebody please tell them that we also can watch the news and read the numbers flashing on our screens!
If there are people who have no access to the news channels and are solely dependent on these tweets for their lives then we shall issue an apology, else go shove your
faces
in some
horse shitshove your faces in some horse shit! We’ve actually counted the updates of some users and they average between 30-40 an hour! The funniest thing being that most of them weren’t even close to Mumbai, and therefore none of this was first hand information. We call for a fatwa against these twitter-spammers who actually think that they have done some great service to the society! What do you fools expect, a gallantry award for inundating us with stuff we already knew? We propose that such tweeters ought to get a taste of their own medicine, for that’s the only way they’d learn. Every single person they follow ought to make 30 tweets during the same hour, that will teach them to mind their own business! The over smart bloggers need not feel left out as we haven’t ignored them, almost each one of you has made a condolence post. There are also the so-called page 3 of the blogosphere who have left no stone unturned when it comes to making a heart-warming post! So you have the usual, we shall overcome, never let die spirit, with generous helpings of words like resilience, spirit, fear, humanity and peace. They of course have their slavish bunch of commentators who proclaim it as the most touching post they’ve read all day and copy paste the same on other page 3 blogs!
Just like the people who have been responsible for a deluge of tweets, there have been bloggers who have taken pains to live blog the events. Who in the world is going to meticulously keep refreshing their page to read these stupid blogs while they can watch the news being streamed online! If the bloggers and tweeters were so into it, then imagine the plight of people whose lifestyles were severely hit by these attacks. If you’ve been wondering and making educated guesses in your head then let us alleviate your agony. The people severely hit by these attacks have been none other than the Page 3 circuit of Mumbai. With their two favorite jaunts under siege and all parties for the week canceled, the whose-who of Mumbai were as confused as a herd of sheep in a sushi bar. In our bid to get some inside news, we at Dappan Koothu sent our roving reporter Munna Mobile to get chatty with these cocktail personalities.
Munna, How is the situation on the ground and the hostage situation?
Oh Max, cut the crap. You’ve been watching too much news have you? Even the news channels have run out of steam with the same updates and pictures. They’ve spoken to everybody on the street right from the survivors to the sandwich wallahsright from the survivors to the sandwich wallahs and exhausted their vocabulary. The same set of pictures have been cycled and the same tickers have been flashing for hours together. One smart channel managed to get an ex-serviceman for some info on what the cops and commandos might be thinking in such an event. This was soon followed by other channels as retired servicemen were soon in demand and their phones were ringing like crazy. As the old haggard men made their way to the studios and recalled incidents from their service days sipping chai and biscuits as they watched the events unfold on the giant screens. While a select few were picked up by news channels, the rest sat grumbling in their homes and commenting on how they would have made more intelligent comments! All they could do was curse themselves for not staying trim by jogging at day break and not maintaining contacts with the a couple of reporters. They were trying to ring up a few members of the press and offering their free unwanted bites to escape the din of their nagging wives!
Err, that’s nice but didn’t we send you to do a scoop on the Page 3 crowd?
Patience my dear boy genius, before we get to the main course don’t we generally serve you an appetizer? With having exhausted almost every resource for information, the news channels turned to the most jobless people in Mumbai. The Page 3 are a perfect ingredient for some masala news for they know the interiors of these hotels better than the tiles in their bathrooms. There is also a high probability that they know some of the hostages and can therefore talk about them. The best thing about them being that they are all educated in the best schools and can therefore continue their non-stop prattle without even pausing for a break and still not be tired. This works out best for the news channels for their presenters are tired of repeating the same lines in all possible variations and permutations of the same phrases.
That’s good, so can you get us a bite from a famous personality?
What’s with the bites, order some pizza if you are that hungryorder some pizza if you are that hungry! I spoke to a very famous media baron Mr. AllWeak PotAndSee who was seen shuttling between studios. He has been furiously brushing up on the 9/11 procedures as he attempts to draw parallels to the shortcomings of the nations procedures. Brilliant I say, all we need at a time of crisis is some demoralizing stuff questioning the backbone of our security. He tells us that he is very saddened by the events that are playing out at the Taj and recollects the Stir-Fry-Chicken he had at the ‘Wasabi‘ last week, the same restaurant that is up in flames today. While he still complains of the extra spicy soup that gave him digestion problems, I try to remind him that he has to talk about the current situation and no his alimentary problems. He thanks me for the tip and goes live on camera with all his brilliance and makes a complete fool out of himself, not surprising as we never expected any more from him. He questions the ineptitude of intelligence and makes a smartass comment saying that no intelligence can be expected from the lawmakers who themselves are not intelligent. Apparently the channels feels that he represents the views of the common man!
Were there any of the Page 3 women you managed to run into?
There you go, always waiting to swoop on some masala like a hawk preying on a rabbitlike a hawk preying on a rabbit. Talk of of masala and women I did manage to talk to two famous Page 3 socialites. Ms.Dhobha Se and Ms.Mollykya Terabhai condescended to speak to our readers while they were getting their last minute touch-ups. Ms.Se is wearing a dress she bought at a boutique at the hotel under siege and wishes to comment on how the place where she shopped for this garment is a control room today. She asks me if that is a smart improvisation and I meekly acknowledge fearing being turned down next time. Ms.Terabhai is on the phone with her designer and is yelling at him for her dress hasn’t arrived and she has to appear on another news channel in 30 minutes. She tells me that its a fashion disaster and sacrilege to appear on in a repeat dress and I once again nod my head in acceptance. The designer finally manages to dispatch her change of costume and she tells me that the same guy was late last night as well. Had her gown arrived in time she would have made it to a party and then taken hostage like the other guests. It’s this point that she wishes to bring on camera and seem all intelligent to the nation, and I can only wish her luck.
How about some bites from the world of cinema and business?
I’m glad that you finally asked, for I was waiting to tell you about my rendezvous with Mr.Shahrukh Fake and Mr.Chudail Kheth. One is a very reserved socialite who once upon a time tried his hand at acting, he now just poses for pics in partieshe now just poses for pics in parties. The latter is a loud mouth businessman seen more often in cocktail parties than in boardroom meetings. I’ve often wished to ask him how he still manages to make money while his intelligence seems to be smaller than the skirts of the waitresses. The one with a theater background was elucidating on how the security ought to do practice drills and mock rescue operations. The reason he gave me was that he was drawing a parallel to theater where every scene is rehearsed thoroughly before the performance. While this gentleman made such an astute observation, the businessman Mr.Kheth couldn’t stay behind. He told me that he wishes to propose a Homeland Security like they have in the United States, and even push for some transfer of knowledge to help setup a similar wing.
Thank you Munna that was a nice roundup of celebrity scoops, news is just in that the situation has been brought under control. Sadly your report will therefore not go on air nor see it self in print, we however promise to put it up on our blog for some high society people to read and comment.
PS: This post is solely in jest and in no means intended with any malice towards the personalities mentioned. However we do stand by the horse shit reference to some of the bloggers, who really deserve it!
(Images Courtesy: Financial times and boston.com)
Seriously! the people who must shove their face in horse shit are also Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, Arnab and the woman (Meera I think) who was reporting live on TimesNow from the Taj and kept saying ‘Clearly we can see.. ‘ a million times in a span of 5 mins.
This is not a football show and you needn’t say ‘exclusively from our channel’ or ‘unlike other tv channels’ or put up tweets about the dog that ran across to the Taj through the barricades. I’m numb.
Their screaming and shouting and irresponsible journalism has left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.
—
me: Yea its like an overburnt dosa. We appreciate the pains they take to keep us informed, but then they have all gone over the line in the race between themselves. New ways have been devised to keep us hooked to the channel and of course ‘remember you saw it first on…..’
I agree with the tweets. Most of them were annoying and completely useless. I don’t know what people sitting in Maryland and Texas were trying to accomplish.
About blogs, maybe you can pardon them. Blogs are after all a medium to vent out and make your voice heard. So, its okay to an extent to see the blogs, albeit all of them full of cliches and tripe.
—
me: Actually a few tweets were also nice and i got to see some images much before they were sold to news channels. Same thing with blogs where some were very heartwarming and a few pointed out the loopholes in the system. The rest were like mineral water recycled from a sewer.
I don’t agree with Gayatri. those people reporting live were off scripts,and being able to manage even a few sentenses with REAL gunshots & blasts in the background is a courageous effort in itself. watching it on the T.V and commenting is a lot easier than actually being there. also they were just doing their jobs. so we can leave them alone.
blogs are there to express our viewpoints. so they have every right to write what they wish.
About Tweeters they may be annoying but give them a break they might have a sense of satisfaction for having done something.
atleast they tried to help.. look what our politicians are doing…!
Oh no it takes a lot of courage and i do agree. But in this bid to bring breaking news, telling us how a stray dog broke the security cordon and is standing beside a fire engine isn’t what we expected. My point, great job but many over did it.
The two most famous landmarks of Queen’s Bombay shall never be the same again. One TV journalist even described “The Gate Of India” as our own ground zero. Unlike the Big B I hid my face deep inside the pillow thinking, “Kya zaala, amchi mumbai ko.” Do we have the political will and courage to declare our famous neighbour as enemy no. 1 and cut off all trade links with them.
—
me: It takes a strong leader to take such a stance, but the rest will never allow it for their personal gains. Strangely we always call ourselves as the land of Nehru and Gandhi while Sardar Patel is tucked away in the annals of history.
India is clearly not shining. Not at all.
—
me: What hurts is that instead of the real unsung heroes we are seeking advise on national security from a bunch of idiots!
Every news channel is trying to cover the incident from a different angle possibly aiming at the best channel award or something. Yea something terrible has happened, everybody is grieving in their own way – whether its a personal loss or a national one. Calling celebrities to talk about this, who generally compare this to the 93 blasts, or 9/11, or talk about some ‘mumbai spirit’, is really ridiculous….
Abhi toh we’re yet to watch the drama of the politicians, the blame game b/w Ind and Pak, and our bollywood stars giving interviews to ‘offer help’ to the victims…
After reading and watching the same things about a gazillion times, it was refreshing to read your post 🙂
—
me: Ejjatly my point the news channels are more worried about outdoing the other and gaining more viewership and awards for constructive journalism. I don’t mean to downplay their role in keeping us informed but they can sure do better than ask the family of the deceased ‘How are you feeling’ or asking a hostage ‘Did you ever expect to see a terrorist’!
wow! almost 150 ppl were killed (page3 or non page3, they are still lives) and all you could get yourself to write was about how angry you are at tweets and bloggers? how small is your world?
It’s not about how small my world is, it’s actually the angst of seeing how everybody is desperate to make their presence felt in a time of distress. It’s how everyone wants a piece of the spotlight while people are dying.
I felt that there were some very good blog posts coming out which were not about what was happening currently at the different locations but what our next steps to combat Terrorism should be, what our mistakes were and so on. Definitely gave a different perspective. And yea, I’m fine with those who tweeted a lot during these past 2 days. When you’re looking at such horrific scenes, I guess it’s normal to see people wanting to ‘help’ (in whatever way they believe they can). It helps them cope, helps them feel like they can do something in a time when they really couldn’t.
—
me: Yep I agree that there were a few very good ones outlining the core issue and it was a treat to read them. This however is against the others who think that they are making a point in this time of sorrow.
Refreshing post to read,specially after being glued to the reality on television from the past 2 and a half days or more.And about the dizzying,superfluous number of tweets,i think its their way of dissipating the disgust,displease and cold sweat in them,so i guess they can be forgiven this one time as almost all we indians are in somewhat the same state.
—
me: I nvr knew you tweeted! interestin da. It’s not dissipating disgust but just trying to grab some of the spotlight!
Confusing post max.
You are disgusted with the bloggers for “using” this event in a post which is pretty much on the same topic?
As someone earlier suggested its a kind of a vent.
Regarding the celebs , I agree with you totally though.
My disgust is with people who act as if they are leaving a mark on the society with stupid posts. My question is like who cares with what they write, also accepting the fact that even this post makes no difference.
I said it before. I’m saying it again. Send these terrorists to the Parliament or to Filmistan. And do not call in anyone to help.
—
me: Somebody is very angry! very angry, but tehn the Parliament attacks were called a farce.
I acknowledge your rant. While twitter was spammed during this time, I was able to fish out some that had personal opinions, which I think are completely ok to do. I just made one twitter message and sat out until the situation was under control, so I can go back to my normal messages. I also agree bloggers would try to get some share of the spotlight, but I think every blogger is allowed atleast one post to throw his opinions (Because I am just about to post one 🙂 ) after all what are blogs for. But Live blogging is just exaggeration unless the blogger is sitting in the place where the situation is happening.
As always your post is insightful and you have done it well in your own way.
—
me: Yup a few were twittering as bystanders and I appreciate that, just like a few bloggers who wrote about the scenes that they saw unfold in front of their eyes. The rest were all just rehashing what they saw on the news. Again no malice towards you or the ones expressing their solidarity. Even I havent twittered for the past three days
nice one da!
err you forgot to mention the irritating gtalk status messages..
one particularly bad one i saw read “raj of the taj is over aaj…”all rhyming words..grrr
—
me: I’ve pruned my GTalk list and only sane ppl like you remain!
It won’t be long before we start getting a spate of emails saying ‘If you love your country then forward this to 1000 people. If you don’t love your country then go hang yourself!’ or ‘These are heart randing pichurs of Mumbai tarrur uttack, please farword it to 100 peepull’ and the like. If that happens, I swear to god I’m going to write back a hatemail to whoever sends them to me, regardless of who it is! Jobless, I tell you! There are other sources to find information, they don’t have to junk our inboxes for it.
—
me: ladeej n juntalmen, presenting exhibit no 1! ppl who comment without any connection to a post and take offence on being called trolls.
I, on the other hand thought this was a very well done clever post. It not only was loaded with subtle sarcastic humor, but also was apt on the tweeters and such.
Primarily, I think people had a field day with this event. It really all boils down to how people react under stressful circumstances. Just like in a comedy movie. Some rofl, lol, giggle, snicker, scoff, smirk and so on. Twitter can get irritating as hell if that’s how you want to react. Thursday and Friday was crazy as I am told. I followed just one from Bombay, and it kept getting updated before I could finish reading the earlier one. I suppose it is helpful for many without access to TV and outside of Bombay, but really, after one day and no fresh news but primarily rehash of what happ was doing no one any good.
Information overload. Doesn’t help the situation nor your mind.
—
me: Ah! finally someone who understands what I’m tryin to say…You have a niece whose 20ish?
Sun TV’la enna solraangalaam?
—
me: Thanni lorries are having a field day, earlier they were carrying water to residents, now they are trying to drain out low lying areas!
I agree with rads…i really thought ur post was witty n funny…agreed, the situation at hand was larger than life but no harm in tryin to see the lighter side of things rather than aping the news channels and depictin onlt the sombre, morose side of it all! so, well done…made me smile, no, laugh!
@Arun: While the rest of india and news channels were all-pervading with the terrorist attack, tamil nadu and tamil channels had issues of their own to battle and broadcast aka the rain…!
—
me: yay! plz drop in more frequently, we could use more same wavelength ppl…
Agree with you! People just went overboard with the Mumbai issue. Its been more than a week and the sight of ‘Mumbai’ anywhere in the media gives me a headache. Celebrities who cannot come up with a sensible line without reading the script would have done a huge favor by keeping their mouths shut!
Page 3 blogs -lol.. it was irritating to see the same posts being rephrased like, jaipur being replaced with ahmedabad, ahmedabad being replaced by delhi and then mumbai…
good post 🙂
Exactly my point, people whose opinions don’t help anyone were yelling into the mic. A majority of posts, baring a few were rehashed stuff from the news.
Babbu:
I dunno what to say at this moment. Popular bloggers have all sorts of angles covered from anger/rant/advice etc.
However if you don’t mind what the manja kayiru is this twitter? Like good old PTI? UNI tickers we old fashioned print people would say? Can you give me non detailed lessons on my personal e mail. Tutorial costs will be fed exed to you.
Terror trash has never been so debasing-including TV news channels milking emotions, bungling and bad talking politicians, angry war mongering people. Dignity is the first casualty of this terror aftermath.
Oh yea and one tutorial coming soon in your inbox. It was nice to know your views though esp coming from someone who has been in the media.
Funnily enough, this sounds a lot like a lot of other people’s opinions on this issue. When people don’t create a hype about it, they’re insensitive and when they do talk, its too much gab. So what exactly was the deal against a bunch of people who (might’ve) thought they were helping out? I heard the new in-thing on the mumbai issue is the media bashing – but oh you’ve beat the rest of em to that already. 🙂
Sorry i’m being mean. I know. Anyway, glad to have found this blog. You write well.
—
me: ah no! It’s not media bashing per say, but angst of seeing things go awry. If people pool up the money they use for candles n help the victims it atleast makes sense. Yelling slogans and burning candles isnt gonna scare the terrorists nor will it reach the deaf ears of the Govt.