Right of admission reserved

Alright mates this is roving reporter Munna Mobile doing a roundup of the year’s high’s and lows. It has been a terrific year in terms of achievements in sports, technology, political developments and cinema. But wait don’t we always do the unpredictable for it would be boring to do the routine stuff. Just when you think that this is yet another post about the roundup of the year’s events, we pull the carpet from below your feet. Ha! how was that I say? By the time a majority of you read this post, the new year would have already rung in as this is the first post of 2009. If we are not reporting and rehashing the highlights of year gone by, then what do we parade as an excuse for a post? Well, recently a bunch of kids across three continents took time of their busy work schedules and over numerous emails planned a Christmas trip to god’s own country. I managed to get my hand on their tour diaries and hence I shall summarize some incidents that I found worth sharing.

Never doze if you are in the passenger seat , else you wont know when your driver slept at the wheel.

It’s worse than capital punishment to sit in the passenger seat with the high beam of trucks in your eyes. That compounded with the heavy dinner you had at the roadside dhaba makes things worse. Your eyes go dreary as you slip into la-la-land and florets of the aaloo gobi you ate do the salsa before you. You will be awakened by the swerve of your vehicle as it barely manages to escape falling of the road or ramming into a truck from the opposite direction. It is also a good idea to go easy on the aaloo gobi since a heavy meal followed by a long journey hastens bowel movements! Not all road trips end up like this, bad roads ensure the curdling of the stomach and hence it’s after effects.

Never feel shy to ask the waiter about the oil in your curry and the rice in your biryani

What may seem annoying and offensive in most places is pretty much normal here. So if you have a strong nose that can pick up the smell of coconut oil from a few meters then you are better of inquiring before you order. If you are a fan of Basmati or sona masoori rice then make sure to ask before you order. Parboiled rice requires you to chew twice as much else could open the floodgates of the lower intestines. Contrary to popular belief, biryani isn’t always made with basamati rice and hence it’s always good to make sure.

Waterfalls and backwaters aren’t the best place to lose your footing

If you wanna get wet try the rain or the huge waves on the beach, slipping on the rocks near a waterfall isn’t very pretty. You might be amazed by the force of the water and the tempting rocks but losing your footing leaves you with a wet wallet and phone not to forget your favorite shirt! The backwaters are beautiful, but if you look closely it’s just one large swamp! While you are lost int he mangroves and coconut tree, you notice lotuses amongst the various floating weeds. On reaching out to pluck a lotus if you rock your boat beyond normal, it is sure to topple and you end up with a mouthful of weeds! Standing in waist deep murky water with tadpoles keeping you company isn’t a great holiday idea especially when numerous firang tourists are clicking pics of a silly Indian boy!

While playing with gigantic waves make sure your  swimming trunks are fastened tight.

It may seem fun to take a wave on your chest and stand against the force of water.  Diving in the saline water as you catch a cricket ball may also seem a lot of fun. Please ensure that your trunks are fastened tight for the waves love to take them away. It isn’t a pretty sight to see your naked butt as your head is inside the water searching for your trunks in the sea bed! It’s also a good idea to be wary of the sea shells and crabs for they could leave you with nasty cuts on the sole. The hot sand and saline water ensure the cuts seems even nasty and you hobble to some shade doing the Hakka dance. Some sunscreen may also help unless you prefer to peel the skin of your nose like a snake shedding its skin every season!

It’s not a good idea to enter a beach side restaurant in your swimming trunks if you are brown

When we say brown we don’t mean the color of your trunks but the color of your skin. The restaurants on India’s most pristine beaches have a bias against Indians and therefore reserve the right to admission. While tourists can walk in wearing close to nothing and a straw hat, brown people need to dress appropriately. The reason being that unless you look presentable you will be counted among the rag-pickers that ensure the beaches are devoid of any plastic. So if you are wearing your trunks it shall be understood that you can’t afford a decent meal and are here only to gawk at the firangs. It shall also be assumed that all brown people are veggies and therefore have no business entering a sea-food restaurant.

It’s strange to note how we are discriminated against in our own country and salute the heavily tipping firangs. But that’s it from the tour diaries of god’s own country. On your next visit be sure to keep them in mind and have fun. The new year ushers new hope for that is what keeps us all going. Staying positive is the mantra and holding ones nerve will be crucial. On behalf of everyone at Dappan Koothu here’s wishing you all and may you have a great year ahead!

(Image courtesy: weegeeboard)