Review: Desi Boyz – Chitrangadha Singh is a wooomaaaan

I had begun to write a review for Desi Boyz even before I watched it. I just had to cross check if it was as I predicted and add some things that I missed. Well I hope I hadn’t watched it for what I had written earlier was far sweeter than what is about to follow. There was a horrible movie called Deuce Bigalow which later spawned an even horrible sequel. Looking back I feel bad for labeling them as horrible because there is a new leader when it comes to horrendous male escort movies. The industry is harsh you see, make a movie on male escorts and that falls under comedy but you do the same with women and that puts you in the line of protests, indecency complaints and mahila mukti activists! Now unless you are the Secretary for the male-escorts-movie-artists-associaion in your city, you are excused but if you still like the movie then I definitely need to hear from you.

I really tried to not hate the movie, so I cheered when mall security guard Akki chases a shoplifter on a segway but lets him go when he finds out the punk has an ailing grandfather, nek dil acha insaan I said. When LSE grad maas-ki-dukaan-abraham proposed to his man-eater GF, I cheered for teh pyaar-mein-paagal-nek-deewana. The Gf in question was long-legs-brain-verbally-challenged-padukone, but I maintain the same coz I wanted to give David Dhawan’s son a fair chance at emulating his illustrious father. Then you tell me that everyone loses jobs due to the recession, which I guess is the flavor of the season, so why not! Even the Dhawans know that just recession-based-unemployment isn’t enough to pick up escorting as a career. Throw in the demanding fiance and her grandiose wedding/honeymoon plans, if that’s not enough we’ll add in an orphaned nephew whom child services are going to put into a foster home. With all the senti aalaap in the background, you’ll even agree to strip at sunday mass in a church! Then tehy tell you that Sanjay Dutt with a handlebar mustache is the greatest man-whore in all of London, if you watch closely you can see him laugh at his own characterization in disbelief!

Now comes the part where I’ll side with the women coz the besharam-duo find their true calling and should really pursue stripping instead of their so-called acting careers. Song over, happily clapping punju aunties in the row behind groan as long-legs-padukone finds out, dumps her fiance while stripping isn’t on child services’ approved-career-options list for guardiansa nd they send the kid to a foster home. OK Now think this through for a minute, you’re unemployed, you’re stripping career is bust, you badlly want to bring back your foance/nephew into you life. What will you do? Break bricks? Sell Pizzas or some other honest-hard-work based attempt to show youa re trying to set things right? That’s where comes the directorial genius, maas-ki-dukaan lives in a trailer outside long-legs-padukone’s house while her father assists in the stalking. The other, oh boy this is gonna be fun, goes back to college to finish his degree! I won’t complain here for the wooomaaan makes her entry as an economics prof. I’ll pretend to be deaf when you tell me that she was Akki’s bacthmate, hopelessly in louww with him while he ignored her for being fat and canoodled with the cheerleaders. Still madly smitten by Akki, she grinds him at a salsa club on the pretext of teaching him economics. Still deaf remember? So when she helps him prepare for a test by dropping a layer of her clothing for every correct answer, I’m happily conveying mouth-waterfalls. There’s a song, more hotness, more grinding and then after Akki manages to graduate, she vanishes into the sea of milk where she probably came form in the first place. The maas-ki-dukaan-LSE-Grad is still camping outside long-leg-padukone’s house harassing her dates and setting new standards for all stalkers. Say all you may, but why find a real job to win over you love when you can stalk the shit out of her!

Assume you somehow manage to overlook everything until this point, you are then struck by a custody case. Now the whole premise of the movie justifies stripping so that the kid doesn’t have to go into a foster home, remember? Despite my love for court-scenes(I’ve watched that sequence in meri jung numerous times), this is hard to digest for they quiz each of Akki’s clientele on the details of their ravenous exploits. This is understand is standard witness interrogation procedure, and since we are talking about bold subjects like male-escorts, gay jokes are commonplace. When the greatest man-whore in London struts into a courtroom, flirts with the judge & hands her a card with a discount, you assume that is standard procedure in british courts! At that point, you don’t care who wins the case, or if the defense counsel is gay or if DesiBoyz the company is accepting applications for man-whores. Only one thing matters and that is…… Chitrangadha Singh is a wooomaaaan!

PS: The movie doesn’t deserve anything more than a 3, but for Ms.SIngh takign her shirt off, I’d give it a 4/10.

PPS: This review could have had just one sentence and still suffice, it’s a boring Sunday evening with nothing on TV so more reason to elucidate, Chitrangadha Singh is a wooomaaaan!