This Friday I pinged a friend to inquire if he wanted to catch a movie in the evening. Even before I could tell him the name of the movie, pat came a reply from him. ‘Dil Bole Hadippa?, sure man I heard Rani looks ekdum great!‘. Yea I know what you are thinking, and that is the kind of friends I have. Someone once remarked that a man is known by the friends he keeps. If that is to be believed, then by now you must be having quite an idea of the type I am. The movie in questions was however ‘Unnaipol Oruvan/Eenadu‘ which we did eventually watch, but it kept bugging me all night of how someone could name Rani Mukherjee ahead of Kamal Haasan! It is actually sacrilege to even mention the two in the same sentence unless you are Bong, where in you will accuse the Bombaywallahs of hiring anorexic heroines these days. Jut like how picking Dravid back in the ODI squad was a ploy to keep Ganguly away and the Knight Riders lost the IPL on purpose to push the Prince of Kolkata further into darkness. The same people after a few drinks, will also tell you of how the madarasi ARR ka music is a conspiracy to drive the youth away from Rabindra sangeet.
I’ll stop with the Bong slander, for we can’t afford to drive away the lovely Bongs from an already dwindling readership. As part of ‘ mere paapon ka prayashchit‘ so that the Bong forgive me, I did watch the latest in balle-balle-porn from the YashRaj stables. It’s not that I have anything against the nations biggest production house, and I have thoroughly enjoyed some of their movies. It is however very hard to think of the last YRF film that was devoid the words ‘soniyo, mar jawa,kudi dil le gayi, pind da shera, paji tussi great ho‘ you get the drift. The punjabis are the most colorful people of all, have huge hearts, known for their hospitality and loud culture. Nothing but respect, but things go awry when it goes overboard. I may be able to speak many languages and thanks to YRF, I can add punjabi to the list. I guess a lost of us in the past 10yrs have been exposed to heavy doses of punjabiness that we could never get lost in Amritsar even without ever setting foot before. It’s not like we had no idea of it before we made the conscious decision to watch the movie, especially give the title and posters. Our motivation being the fact that the last sports-based film from the YRF house was a winner. This will be the second cricket-based film of the year, and we sure do remember how the first fared. Also the fact that such stories are generally inspirational and have rank outsiders face their demons to snatch victory. The much hyped woman-in-a-mans role was also a major factor, born out of the sheer curiosity to see how this formula is executed.
When you want the audience to empathize with your sports persons, you have to back it up with a strong character back story to show the against-all-odds journey to victory. Dilip Tahil and Anupam Kher are cricket-crazy friends on either side of the border who gather teams to play an annual friendly game of cricket. I know it already sounds cheesy, but then this is only the beginning because the Pakistan team reigns supreme for nine years continuously. Unable to bear the taste of defeat, Kher sends for his estranged son in England to form a team and win back the cup. The interesting part however is Rani as an ambidextrous swashbuckling batswoman who places bets on herself to clear the ropes six times in a row. Unable to make it to the Amritsar team, she joins the team as a bhajji-impersonator. Not before swearing by the grace of Sachin-paaji and cavorting in a song with a scantily clad Rakhi Sawant. There is also the ravishing barely clothed Sherlyn Chopra prancing around, in case you felt the Rakhi skin-show wasn’t enough. Shahid however only falls for the sarson-ke-khetwali pind-ki-kudi Rani not before walking into her in a shower and mouthing a few lines about bharatiya naari etc. If you managed to miss the flesh-display third time in a row, then you are better off asking your guard-dog to escort you out of the cinema hall.
For those still reading, we have a case of multiple identities with Ghulam. It is rumored that while Bhajji was wrecking havoc in Sri Lanka, people were how good a Rani impersonator he was and whether it was viral advertising by the makers of the film instead. What are the chances that bhajji takes a 5-wkt haul and a film revolving around a strikingly similar sardar cricketer, both make the news in the same week? We aren’t against sports-based movies for we feel they have tremendous scope in a cricket crazy nation like ours. However when you tell us that the last batting pair scores 165 runs in under 10 overs, it get a bit too hard to believe. This includes even the front benchers in single screen cinemas who are still reeling under the effects of our triple skin-show. You are reminded of Peter Pan when you see Rani-sardar with a broken right hand hobble to take strike for the last two balls. Even the denizens of Neverland nor Kevin Pietersen can fathom what happens next as Dhoni suddenly becomes a Yuvraj Singh! Who am I kidding, you’ve lost hope long ago and by now are just counting the number of people wearing blue in the theatre. For those awake, the skulduggery doesn’t end as it is revealed who Rani really is and the player cry foul. What follows is something you have to watch the movie for only then can you believe it, no really!Ranisaurus-Rex managing dual roles while belting the ball out of the park during the practice sessions and dating her captain later in the day. Our sources tell us that she even auditioned for a role in Jurrasic Park 3, but was turned down and instead acted in
Images Courtesy: Indiaglitz)