Review: Radio – It’s bleddy complicated

This week saw the release of probably the most awaited movie of the year, Radio. Before you hack me with a chainsaw, let me elucidate on that a bit. It might not be the most awaited movie on earth, but on the planet Himesus it was the most awaited alright. Now many may chose to ridicule the movie even without watching it and some may even after. Like a Black Mamba waiting in a bush to dig its venomous fangs into its prey, the critics have also been waiting to attack the movie. However most people fail to get the basic premise of a Himesh film, and treat it like the normal Friday box office fare. That is probably where they commit the cardinal mistake and go all out guns blazing. First came ‘Aap Kaa Surroor – The Real Luv Story‘, with the cap, stubble and the nasal twang where he romanced a teenager and turned down the advances of a vivacious supermodel. Then came ‘Karzzzz‘ which like the name suggested was a truckload of zzzzz, where Monty was hideously reborn to avenge his death by kameeni kamini! Now comes the sleep inducing slumber-fest called Radio which we had the good fortune of watching over the weekend.

It has already been established that the events take place in a parallel universe on the planet of Himesus. Without this assumption it would be impossible to explain certain phenomena like Himes being an uber cool RJ and the most heard voice in the city. It is safe to conclude that on their planet, pheromones travel
through radio-waves
pheromones travel through radio-waves, for there is no other rational explanation for how women swoon at the very mention of Himes(Vivaan Shah). That could also partly explain how one-and-half hot women, both have feelings for Himes and long for his affection. One-and-half because even in a parallel universe you couldn’t possibly count the bovine Shenaz Treasurywala(Shanaya) among hot women. On this planet unlike earth,Β  a man’s virility is measured by the size of his you-know-what. Ah perverts, got you didn’t I? The you-know-what here isn’t what you thought but the length of a man’s sideburns, I still like the way you think though. Armed with the newly gained knowledge of radio transmitting pheromones and sideburns (see pic), the events in the movie may seem to make sense. Himes pulls a master-trick out of his now-discarded cap to make up for this banal acting prowess. Remember Zoolander, where Ben Stiller spread a full calender with just one expression called ‘Blue Steel‘? Well Himes justifies his acting skills or whatever he prefers to call it by one sublime piece of writing, ‘Confidence ka spelling badal ke ho gaya confusion‘. Well if a kid like Ranbir can carry a film like ‘Wake up Sid‘ by looking confused, then Himes can obviously improvise on that!

Shanaya’s sister and probably the one sane person on that planet, is shocked by her crush and quizzes her on the reasons behind it. At this point, almost everyone is waiting with bated breath for the secret to Himes playing the
Pied Piper
of Hamlyn
Himes playing the Pied Piper of Hamlyn to the women on the planet. Nothing could possibly prepare you for her answer as she coyly admits ‘He is a very simple guy and has a kinda vulnerability‘. There lies the secret to his unbridled charm in his vulnerability, and all this while fools like us were trying to be all macho. There’s nothing much to write about the women here, especially since they fall for lines like ‘main pyaar ka station lagaata raha toh nafrat ke gaane sunai dete‘. Where else in the universe do two women who are madly in love with the same man, knowingly become not only good but great friends? This after he calls one of them a ‘genetic cocktail‘ and is best friends with the other despite her divorcing him and making away with half his earnings. There is also a mention of a ‘Karvachauth ka lamp‘, which we sadly never got to see but are mighty pumped to do so. Set in a ultra-cool world where people learn about others by looking at their facebook statuses which are updated almost every hour. To establish the cool credentials we also get to come across terms like compatibility, closure, defense mechanism, denial mode, f**k buddies. Their idea of resolving problems and fights of all sorts is strangely to break plates. How we wish the plates were not broken on the floor but on Himes’ head instead!

PS: The movie is broken into Tarantinoesque chapters, but then that is the only positive worth writing about.

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