Nov
14
2011

Review: Rockstar – The travails of an ailing gal

This has not been a good year for Hindi cinema, with severely hyped duds or blockbusters that made us groan & shriek in disbelief for the moolah they raked in. Rockstar is backed by an awesome soundtrack by the maestro A.R.Rahman & sadly many can’t or refuse to see beyond that. There have been many movies that have featured brilliant compositions but rarely has that managed to hide the godawful monstrosity behind them. Rockstar is no exception and it seems like Rabir Kapoor was the unfortunate soul to be denied the stuff the whole unit was smoking. I kid you not when I tell you that this was the better entertainment option of the week & precisely what I needed to cleanse the system & get my sanity back. The only redeeming portion in this mindnumbing movie barring the songs, was a 2-minute re-enactment of ‘Yeh Chand So Roshan Chehra’, the best tribute to Shammi Kapoor sahab.

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“Rahman sir, music is a very integral part of this project. I want you to have a free hand and I’ll position the setpieces around your composition.”

(haiiyo another pyaar toh unka jhoota hain case) “The story is based in Delhi right? Maybe I can write a song for Harzat Nizamuddin, will you like that?”

“Sirjee, no problem sirjee. I will make that an integral part of the movie, people will sing every year in SareGaMaPa’s sufi episode!”

(wastefellow, It will be like fiza where nobody remembers anything but Haji Ali) “Sure sure that will be great, how many songs do you need?”

“Story toh hain nahin ji, I only have an ageing out-of-work ABCD model & an angry Ranbir who is tired of his long hair. So 12-14 songs should do it, I promise you I won’t cut them out like that Delhi-6 fellow.”

(aama da, unnaku enna. story a script a) “Don’t worry Imtiaz bhai, I’ll take care of that. You’ll hear from me in a month.”

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

“Dei go find if that Mohit Chauhan fellow is vetti. Tell him I have like 9-10 songs for him in an album. Ask if he will give double-digit discount”

“Sir, but why him? He cannot even play thilana on his harmonica. In low voice he can do humming that’s all. Plus we already gave him life with that Khoon Chala song no?”

“Theriyum da, He is Pritam’s favorite. If we hire him this Imtiaz fellow won’t even realize how inexpensive it was for us to do the album, Full profit only”

“Saar somewhere only you wentoff saar, 10 is not his lucky number it seems, 9 means he is ok nu solaran”
———————————————————————————————————————————————-

“Ranbir, I need you to look angry. Grow your hair, scream, scowl and kick your legs as the cops drag you”

“yes sir, aaaaarrrggghhh aaaaarrrggghhh”

“Cut cut no no cut it yaar. I need more anger & more kicking, arrey someone show him the climax scene of that Chandramukhi movie yaar”

“But Imtiaz sir, How do I channel my anger?”

“OK I know it, Aditi Rao will now be the journalist. Here, this skinny molly will now be your love interest”

“This reed-ki-dukaan? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ”

” aaaaand Action!”

———————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Ok now listen kiddo, only if you are heartbroken can you be a great artist”

“Fine, what do I need to do, pick up a chick and wait for her to dump me? ”

“Nah kiddo, You get to befriend her, get drunk, watch a dirty movie, drive away to kashmir and then help setup lights and chairs at her wedding”

“Where is the break up? At what point do I drown in sorrow and become a great musician?”

“Patience Kiddo, you’ll get kicked out of the house, take refuge in a dargah and then perform at maata ka jaagaran”

“Still not feeling heartbroken. Also stop calling me kiddo, We aren’t in a Gautam Menon movie”

“Ok look at the girl you are going to fall in love with, now?”

“dimag-ka-shot aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ”

” aaaaand Action!”
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“Our next location is Prague, that way we can do justice to ARR’s brilliant soundtrack. Also pakkya remind me to organize concerts all over the country when we get back after the audio release”

” Brilliant so now we get to do shots, pick up whores, visit strip clubs. Ah deja vu, just a lil more posh!”

“Yes you meet her as she is about to see a psychiatrist, sweep her off her feet and be the other-man in her marriage ”

“I get that, but why is she seeing a psychiatrist & will the junta not ask how a small time artist records songs in Prague? ”

“She’s having an affair, you get to sleep with her”

“Palank-tod aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ”

” aaaaand Action!”
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“Now you are a star, angry all the time, spit on groupies and shove journos, also you again get to kick your feet and get dragged by cops”

“OK why are lawyers out to sue my ass, why do I keep getting arrested and wasn’t I deported form Prague?”

“Sssshhh here’s your guitar, now go lip sync that sadda haq song”

“Wadda faak, I don’t have any rights of my own, also why are people waving that free tibet flag? Who the hell releases an album called ‘negative’ ?”

“Don’t worry kiddo, you can be posh & play guitar while Shammi Kapoor sahab plays the shenai”

“Wait, why will someone like him want to record with me? The audience is gonna ask you know”

“This girl is back in your life & has terminal bone marrow”

“her again? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ”

” aaaaand Action!”
———————————————————————————————————————————————-

“Your girl is bedridden, but your very presence makes her sit up, She musters strength to walk down the stairs and into your arms”

“Is this because Rahman composed a ‘Shirdiwale sai baba’ song for this scene? Also how does hanging out with me increase her blood count? ”

” Ok fine I’ll let you scowl and scream at journos again, and then we can shoot my favorite scene ”

“Don’t tel me my music cures her, even KJo can’t sell that shit with SRK ”

“She goes into coma, you are dragged by cops screaming & kicking. Then during your final performance, you see her walk towards you from the crowd but its not her. She has moved to a happy place ”

” Wait how does any of that make sense? Also why this Braveheart type aatma sighting scene? ”

” You got her pregnant & she croaked”

“Maa ki kirkiri aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ”

” aaaaand Action!”

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PS: Give this to Kalpana Lajmi and change liek 20mins of the movie. You will have the story of a free spirited girl, who gets pigeon holed in her marriage, leads an adulterous life with her college friend, contracts a terminal disease and then he re-enters her life to rekindle the feelings. The circle of womanhood is complete with her pregnancy but her body is unable to take it as he slips into coma. Now someone go make that movie!

PPS: I’ll go with 4/10 for this. Deserved only 3, but 1 extra pt for Kun Faya & Sadda haq
(Image Courtesy: rediff)

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16 Comments + Add Comment

  • Not watched the movie, so won’t comment on the storyline. But I do like the music. ARR is a favourite composer of mine even though I have rather limited knowledge of music. I loved the music though not in the crazy way some other people like it and going to watch it for that sake alone :)

    And, it’s so so good to have you back :) Pliss to write more? I want funny review on Ra.One!

  • Wow..i guess you are the right person if i want to portray Rahul Gandhi as the reincarnation of Jishnu or defame holocaust as a stupid child’s play in some kindergarten. The way Rockstar showed emotions was never ever tried in Indian movies and yet was successful.
    You need to let go of your insignificant life with no sex and parents who castigated you at birth by a name like that. Go get laid son before judging a complete classic which dimwits like you will never understand.

    • hahahahahaha I love you ra saala

  • B U L L S H I T !!!!!

  • Maa ki kirkiri aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………….aaaaand Action…..haha

  • LOVED absolutely the ARR Mohit parts ..Saregamapa episodes hahahahhahahahah even KJo can’t sell that shit with SRK .Dei go and find that if Mohit fellow is vetti..HILLARIOUS .Too good !

  • Abba.. whatay review, saar! Romba good it is. I am glad someone thought on the similar lines as yours truly about this movie. :)

  • hilarious!..awesome post…

    @shantanu – great work if u were tryin to be funny!..

  • aaaand action! :D

  • Ayyo Saar, last night only I watched the movie. Mandai has totally kaanjufied. I just read sk’s review also. Looks like a bunch of people saw some other movie only.

  • […] Rockstar: The pyaasa of this generation somebody said, no director has ever done justice to AR Rahmans tunes before another squealed. While I don’t hate ARRtards as they are affectionately called, I most certainly have a problem wen people seem to ignore the loose plot and retarded screenplay hiding behind an awesome soundtrack. The plot has more holes than a busy road dug up for metro/flyover work, Ranbir maintains a constipated look throughout the movie and yells in anger at the drop of a hat. Somewhere along the side you also have a dying girl whom the whole movie seems to revolve around. […]

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