When movies are about to release they have these huge audio functions. People throng to see the stars while some dance troupe lazily prances to the tunes. People from the industry wish the movie success and shower the actors with bundles of exaggerated praise for their non-existent acting skills. Now cut to a book launch, the author comes down to a book shop and reads out passages from the book. How interesting no? Now if they got someone like a Raju Shrivastav to read out passages and mimic various voices for the characters, that would atleast be fun. Non-fiction writers can invite someone with an Ameen Sayani baritone for the narration, but what beats me is why would you want to scare the buyer with your boring voice and then cry for dipping sales? Many might be just killing time at the bookstore appearing to look smarty & check-in on foursquare.  While in real they might be just waiting because the security guard at INOX won’t let you in 10mins before the movie in the mall. It is also a great change to get quoted in the papers for there’s always some journalist types around. This may also be your chance to declare your love for Oprahji, despite her having nothing to do with this book launch or even literature for that matter. If you don’t like what I’m saying then go ask Abhishek Bachchan, apparently he’s good at giving ideas that don’t work. Last heard Gibson had contracted him for an ad campaign selling guitars to all Idea subscribers as their SIM cards can now be used as guitar picks.

(Image Courtesy: TOI)

 

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What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the words, ‘Daavar seth aaj bhi main phenke hue paisa nahin utatha ‘ or ‘Pandrah sau rupiyah ki pagaar mein ghar nahin chalta toh imaan kaise chalega, Gaitonde saab? ‘. What about my personal favorite where Anthony Gonsalves tells Inspector Amar, ‘Apun ek hi maara lekin solid maara na saaheb ‘. Let me answer that for you, these memorable lines are best remembered by the baritone voice that accompanies them. Now if you take that away and introduce a raspy teenagers voice with a slur, what do you get? Surprisingly Paa, the results if not phenomenal were quite refreshing and I managed to pull it off very well. Right from the time when trailers hit the market, we knew this one was going to be a winner. When you bring the biggest name in Indian cinema and one of the greatest music maestros together, it sure promises something special. What made it even more special was the fact that I got to play a teenager at a time when many younger to me were being offered grandfather roles.

It was a surreal experience to watch myself on screen with all the prosthetics and hard to believe who it really was behind those layers of extensive make up. We tried to capture most of the elements that
you
tend to
associate with 12yr oldselements that you tend to associate with 12yr olds like being cranky, stubborn, potty jokes and the childish reasoning and logic. It was a good decision to steer away from depicting the suffering and sorrow of living with a incurable genetic disorder, and instead focus on the innocence of coping with daily life. I’m sure parallels will be drawn to the fantastic ‘Taare Zameen Par‘, for it is the only other A-grade kids film to deal with a serious problem. Our movie on many levels matches it right from the music, to the stunning camera work and even the direction. The only mis-step might be in the emotional connect that our film slightly falters with. It doesn’t quite tug at the heart and you don’t see many in the audience with a lump in their throat.  On the contrary, almost everyone who saw ‘Taare Zameen Par’ walked out with tears in their eyes. We did however put our best foot forward and left no stone unturned when paying attention to detail right form the special dentures. The only thing that I failed to understand was the use of the word ‘just’ for a budget of 15Cr. I must have either been frozen in time or the Rupee fell below the Yen, for INR 15Cr is not a modest amount from where I come atleast!

So tell me Paa, why were you hell bent on grabbing some screen time for yourself? There could possibly be no other justification for the sub-plotno other justification for the sub-plot with slums, corruption and the following tirade against the media. It could possible not be to portray you as an astute and honest paalteeshan, also we could have done with a little more son-father moments given that it is the tag line of our movie. Barring the 15-20 minutes screen time that we shared, it seemed more like a mother-son story and not like the posters suggest. Nevertheless the whole cast brought their A-game to the table and the kid who played Vishnu was fantastic. There is something about the ‘Palakkad‘ gene that makes Vidya Balan awesome every time she smiles with a twinkle in those eyes. Paa, I’m sure everyone will enjoy the movie and it sure is a refreshing change from the trash that is dished out every friday these days. If there was anything we could change, it could have been the predictable penultimate scene and the starting credits. Announcing the names of the cast is definitely unique, but seemed quite absurd when executed on screen. All said and done Paa, I am happy we made this movie and we can now wait for the awards to start rolling.

Love Auro

(Image Courtesy: Glamsham.com)

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Raykesh Omprakash Mehra has
a
fetish for
social messagesMehra has a fetish for social messages which is clearly evident from his past two outings and this time he tries to deliver one as well. ‘Aks‘ was about the victory of good over evil and how defeating the enemy within was upto will power and metaphored by an eclipse. ‘Rang de basanti‘ focused on the awakening of the youth and raising their voice in protest which was metaphored as the souls of Bhagat Singh and team. Delhi 6 however tries to deal with a lot of topics like untouchability, superstitious beliefs, communal harmony, middle class dreams, urban legends, lost love, sibling rivalry and finally the discovery of oneself. Looking at this exhaustive list may entice you into believing that it is going to be a curry of human emotions. The way it stands is that the makers have bitten of more than what they could chew. Amongst all the sub plots, the ones that stand out are that of the imaginary monkey-man creating havoc and Abhishek’s discovery and later falling in love with his roots. Lets step away and go to our art class in school, what happens when you mix red and yellow? You get a bright orange but what if you mix all the colours in your paint box? Delhi 6, falls for the same thing where the makers try to talk of a lot of things while managing to lose focus of the story they set out to narrate.

The movie has numerous flashes of brilliancenumerous flashes of brilliance though like how they use the Ram-leela as a story telling vehicle. It begins with a pointer of how even Ramji has to wait and dance to the whims of our politicians before embarking to find Sita. They use the Shabari tale to illustrate how untouchability is still an issue and since Ramji is god ‘unko sab allowed hain‘. Lalaji’s wife rolls in bed with her illicit lover as the hapless remote switches channels each time their feet go over it, with suggestive lines playing on TV as the channels keep changing. The highlight being when they climaxing coincides with the Chandrayan launch and hence phallic references to the rocket! There is also the smart reference of Hanuman burning Lanka and connecting that to the urban legend of the monkey-man creating havoc in Delhi. There are many such flashes of brilliance that when put together don’t fit like the pieces of a jigsaw but seem more like a collage. Such flashes make for intelligent viewing but one has to remember how the rain is more loved and worshiped than its more powerful cousin,lighting. If flashes of directorial brilliance were good enough to make a good film then Ram Gopal Varma would be at the Kodak Theatre each year.

Abhishek plays the NRI accompanying his granny back to the desh and finds solace in the small pleasures of life. He doesn’t carry the film on his shoulders but is reduced to a mere character amongst others, probably on purpose. Sonam is a small town girl aspiring to be the next Indian Idol and a conservative middle class ladki serving chai to her obese suitor. She is symbolised by a dove whose wings are tied and Abhishek goads her to set the bird free. You know he is talking of the free spirit inside her, caged in her fathers wishes. The problem with Delhi 6 is that there are too many characters who all seem to get equal screen time heck even the dove gets a full song. A.R.Rahman would be the most pained to see only two songs of his mind blowing soundtrack being picturized and one of them was on a dove fluttering on a girls head. The other was handed over to an intern in a SFX lab as Chandni Chowk met New York. Cycle rickshaws, horses and a cow with its calf grace Times Square but you are lost in the only full song to spot the jarring inconsistencies. When the Abhishek is welcomed to India by the news of the kala-bandar you get the hint that the real focus isn’t going to be our leading man. The sub-plots are beautifully woven though as Mehra points questions at our beliefs, roads are blocked when a cow gives birth, people are terrorized by a non-existent monkey-man with a circuit board on its chest and springs attached to its feet. God-men try to gain some mileage by justifying the attack on a shop with claims that a temple once stood where a mosque stands now. The ugly side of thngs are revealed when communal groups begin to clash against each other and yesterdays friends are todays foes. Mehra holds it all very tightly till this point with some brilliant writing, how we wish what followed was in the same vein.

Mehra has a knack of leaving a bad tasteknack of leaving a bad taste in the mouth at the very end. If Aks had the BigB miraculously fight his inner demon as the moon eclipsed the sun and Rang De basanti had the police gun down a bunch of guys holed up in a radio station. In Delhi 6, Abhishek decides to stay back because of the very people that make this nation so endearing to him who later almost pound him to death. The very man who accuses that people abroad were only living in a shadow of their past, puts to use those very same values to fight superstitions and religion. Pardon me for being too cynical but holding a mirror to someone’s face and telling them that a part of the almighty resides in all of us, is like pushing the ‘aham bramhasmi‘ concept a bit too far. You sense that the train is coming of the rails when the man who was ready to give up everything for the people he began to love, has to pay for their ignorance with his life. The part where he briefly travels to heaven and shares a jalebi with his grandfather in the ecstasy of lament may seem too far fetched. However one may seem to forgive Mehra for the closing sequences as an aberration and just look towards the other parts. If you can look past the wobbling camera that signifies an attacking monkey, you may see the terrifically talented ensemble who put up a good show. Despite having a central plot and lack of screen time for the lead pair, Delhi 6 is worth watching for its holds a mirror to you and forces you to get rid of the monkey in you and get on with life!

(Images courtesy: Delhi 6)

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The catch here being that the men aren’t really gay and only pretend to be so. All this to share a swanky Miami apartment with an incredibly hot Priyanka Chopra. Well I don’t blame them, any hot
blooded
man wouldn’t
think twiceany hot blooded man wouldn’t think twice before when it’s about a blisteringly good-looking female! To their defense they decided to play gay assuming that it was an aunty-turned-wannabe-model. When looked upon using a socio-cultural lens and not as a movie, Dostana falls short. At a time when Gay rights are being discussed, all we needed was something to ridicule it. In it’s bid to infuse some laughs into a melodramatic romantic comedy, film resorts to slapstick gags which results in a farce. When you make a whole movie just out of the ‘kanthaben’ gag in Kal Ho Na Ho, you definitely needed a miracle to bail you out. What begins with a racy ‘Shut up & Bounce’ by Shipla Shetty begins to wobble midway and crawls towards the end. The initial gags that have you fall of your seat disappear and you are thrust with endless tributes to films like KKHH and K3G. So like every Karan Johar film we have to have a couple of over-the-top characters and Boman Irani and Kirron Kher do the needful here.

Occasionally you see a flash of brilliance like the take on Bollywoods biggest baddie Gabbar Singh being gay. But that’s where things end as it more seems like a mishmash of comic sequences put together which results in a total disconnect. The director unlike his mentor doesn’t have the ability to tie everything despite their shortcomings with an emotional thread. It’s foolish to look for love corners in this romantic rectangle when three people seem to trying to woo a man. With glaring loopholes in the screenplay, Abhishek and John seem more a couple than with Priyanka when they take her out separately. My guess is that it’s a secret ploy to underline the supposed gayness of the characters, and they were so lost in playing gay that the lack of chemistry shows with a woman! You actually sympathize with Kirron Kher at a point when she realizes that her son is gay and accepts the couple. To maintain the tempo of the film it’s shown as a hammy comic element while she is in a dilemma to accept a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law.

The movie hits the cheesiest note when John proclaims that if he had no chosen to act gay, he wouldn’t have found two of his best friends. i failed to understand if it was a message to the masses or just some bad writingmessage to the masses or just some bad writing. Compound this to the fact that people have been coming out of the closet after watching the movie doesn’t stand a testimonial to the fact that it’s still taboo in the country. If it was supposed to be a sentimental scene and evoke some response from the crowd then I’m sorry for it just seemed like another run of the mill story churned out with some novelty. My friend Munna Mobile however has some very contrasting views, he apparently made it big at the black market with this movie. We therefore let him take the stage and beat an already dead horse.

Ah Maxu, critical as ever! When will you learn to step out of the world of classy page 3 talk and mix with the masses. You forgot the biggest message that the movie has taught all you grad students in the US. Those pursuing the etchwonbee fruit or the ones stuck in the residency process will have to fear no more. You can get your residency in a year, all you have to do is declare that you are gay. Well if Karan johar is to believed then this is the easiest route apart from getting married and some other practices that can’t be mentioned here!

Apparently the lines for gay couples are shorter and so is the waiting period. I wonder how the homophobic and conservative people who opposed to Proposition Eight(Shouldn’t it be six?) let this one slip through! But then Dostana comes to our rescue and teaches us immigrants some new lessons! The process is all very simple, just peek into each others urinal while the immigration officer is watching. Then the officer will pay you a visit to verify if the two of you live as a couple. All you have to do is to dance to this song and break your nuts. You wouldn’t need then anyways so it’s really worth the ordeal. it’s quite easy for desi dudes as they all eat,live and wash their chaddies together to save quarters. Who ever knew that residency was this easy! However don’t take our word for it and get some legal confirmation else it’s gonna be a pain in the ass. Who am I kidding, It’s anyways a pain in the ass!

You are surely bound to dislike the film if you look for technicalities, logic and characterization. I’m sure there may have been a few who even went to research if the immigration laws were as described above! it’s as futile as analyzing why should one sarkay liyo the khatiyaanalyzing why should one sarkay liyo the khatiya because you are feeling jada. If you are lost then this may refresh your memory. Leave your brains at home and enjoy the ROFL moments as the director spoofs sequences from the Johar stables. Be it the love story in the scenic locales of Venice or the customary saas-bahu welcome sequence, they all have gyaness stamped upon them. What if the movie drags at times, doesn’t it pick itself up with some supreme comic timing? If you want to argue that Bobby Deol was the biggest mistake and the worst choice to pass of as a smooth suave and debonair boss, go ahead. But why ignore the fact that two of the hottest dudes in the business grace the screen and god, let’s not even talk of the hot long legs! The worst possible way to spoil the experience is to put on the intelligent glasses on, for it’s better to be blind in such a case. There have been certain sections of the society attacking the film and stating that it was cheap in taste and highly insensitive. Such comments make me wonder which film they are talking about for this atleast seems pretty sane.

It was actually refreshing to see something different that then standard portrayal of homosexual men in Hindi cinema. They have always been stereotyped and caricatured as lusty predators who just can’t seem to keep their hands of other men. Another popular belief is that all gay men act effeminate, change their gait and blow kisses into the air. This was badly abused in Madhur Bhandarkar’s Fashion which showed all designers as lady-like gay men, Incidentally both movies star Priyanka Chopra. Wonder how it would have been to be surrounded by co-stars trying to play gay in two movies simultaneously! Though Abhishek and John pretend to be gay they behave like normal human beings barring a dream sequence and the ‘Maa da ladla’ song. The dream sequence in Venice wherein they narrate their so-called love story has Abhishek acting all girlie-girlie and blowing kisses into the air, but then they were only spoofing the cinematic formulae of running around trees. To the defense of the ‘Maa da ladla’ song, it’s a figment of Kirron Khers imagination and hence the feminism. The movie is brainless, bubblegummy and full of fluff, so what I say? Think of it as watching ‘Haseena Maan jayegi’ and enjoy the foolishness and ensuing cacaphony. At the end of three hours, you sure won’t feel like asking for your money back!

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They got everything right like dressing up Kay Kay in black and giving him a black stallion where as Drona wore white and rode a white steed. They even paid attention to the royal mark on the horse and it was consistently on the left shoulder of the horse in every scene! Who engages in sword fights wearing a dupatta around your neck? It is possibly the easiest way to strangle someone and a potential weakness, also loose fitting garments and not probably a warriors favorite choice. This was probably the first ever movie I have seen where a savior, superhero sports a thick beard. I’m fine with a stubble, but this was thick enough that it needed to be mowed using a lawn mower. The grisly beard always makes Drona look like he’s sulking and grumpy. Staying with styling I didn’t get Riz Raizada’s look as well. A descendant of the asuras has to be demonic and ought to send shivers down your spine. This asura however sports a stupid so-called-mohawk and talk to puppets. What should have been more chilling than Shaakaal ended up being tamer than Dr.Evil.

The movie has a good plot and the characters are well etched also Drona has nothing to do with the Mahabharata. Asuaras chasing the secrets of the elixir of life is a very interesting concept and can be used to work wonders. However that is where the praises end because the makers forgot an very important ingredient. You may have a very good star cast, some of the best technicians and SFX specialists from Hollywood, also some fantastic songs. However ‘Bhaiyon aur unke Behenon’ there exists a very important thing called screenplay, just like salt in any recipe. The makers faltered and came up with a wafer-thin screenplay and the movie ended up being a mess. Drona has too much rona-dhona and that works against it. What could have been an interesting tussle between some wizardry and a mythical warrior ends up being a damp sword fight and that too way into the climax.

I wonder who Priyanka Chopra’s Babuji was, she repeatedly kept uttering the highly irritating ‘Babuji kehte they’ with such ease. I’m glad the old man was no more, for I would have surely slashed his neck! Some of the songs were totally out of place and the Oop Cha sequence with the groovy-garage-cum-underground-hideout was hideous! The picturization of Teri Bandagi somehow reminded me of this song(telugu), good song but strikingly similar. Nanhe Nanhe is probably one of the best lullaby’s that have been churned out of the mire of Hindi Cinema this year. There are a few sequences that may seem inspired from a few other flicks but then they gel with the story line and hence do make sense. Kay Kay as the antagonist is reduced to a caricature and goes over the top in most scenes. My guess was that the makers wanted to make it more child friendly given the Dushera and Id holidays, and hence the movie comes of being too light and kiddish in a few places. Below are what worked and didn’t work for me.

Sooperbu

• The desert sequence where Dronas ancestors talk to him
• The train sequence where Drona frees his horse Devdutt
• Priyanka Chopras entry scene

Worstu

• Kay Kay’s comical villain character that is spineless
• Too much sentiment, and the tears from a statue
• Lack of any action sequences barring the damp sword fight
• The whole raazpur sequence and the boring fight scene that follows

(Images courtesy: Eros Entertainment)

PS: I know it’s a week late but then I didn’t wanna do two back to back movie reviews. This was on public demand! Love you all…

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Click here to view the embedded video.

Check this space every weekend for more rare/nostalgic songs..

Lyrics below

dhaage tod laao chaanadani se noor ke
ghoonghat hi bana lo roshani se noor ke
sharm aa gayi toh aaghosh mein lo
ho saanson se ulajhi rahein meri saansein
bol na halke halke, bol na halke halke
honth se halke halke, bol na halke

aa nind ka sauda karein, ik khwaab de, ik khwaab le
ik khwaab toh aankhon mein hai, ik chaand ke takiye talein
kitane dino se yeh aasamaan bhi soya nahi hai, isako sula de
bol na halke halke, bol na halke halke
honth se halke halke, bol na halke

umarein lagi kehate huve, do labj the ik baat thi
woh ik din sau saal ka, sau saal ki woh raat thi
kaisa lage jo chup chaap dono, ho pal pal mein puri sadiyaan bitaayein
bol

bol na halke halke, bol na halke halke
honth se halke halke
o dhaage tod laao chaanadani se noor ke
o ghoonghat hi bana lo roshani se noor ke
sharm aa gayi toh aaghosh mein lo
ho saanson se ulajhi rahein meri saansein
bol na halke halke, bol na halke halke
honth se halke halke, bol na halke

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