Fasting and very furious

maxdavinci — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 20:23:14 +0000

Dear bhaktas and Dipusanth, I bring you this message with the hope that peace reigns across borders and the air we breathe is safe again. Who am I kidding, let’s just hope that India retains the test ranking and some random bollywood starlet doesn’t get into another smuggling/MMS scandal. Speaking of scandalous smugglers, how are Messrs Ramdev & Hazare? Last I heard, they were having a fasting cage match, where they fast for 45 days and then duel in a steel cage. Strike that out, but then that will be a great thing to watch with full media coverage, expert fasting analysts, SMS polls and Tarot card predictions. I was sifting through my fanmail which is generally dakshina from my nigerian bhaktas, russian bhaktas selecting brides for me, female bhaktas who can’t afford to cover their body seeking my blessings via chat and some bhaktas offering to enlarge my body parts. This one however was different and hence I’d like to share it with all of you.

———————-
Baba,
I am writing this means I am thinking you are decent fellow. You are not coming early morning on TV and doing breathing, also you are not in cellphone nangu-pangu MMS videos. First of all I am native from Telangana, but I am not shouting jai telangana and wearing pink scarf. Then what is happening means they are telling to sit on road an put fast for getting the new state. First of all this new
state
bijness is
very the confeeshanthis new state bijness is very the confeeshan baba. First in school when I am studying means they told 25 states and easy to remember because US is having 50 so India is still developing country no hence 25. Then the are telling to add three more and now Telanagana also they are asking for becoming state. OK man state they are giving not giving means what goes my father, but for that they are telling to vacate the college campus and sit on the road to shout the slogans. Baba, I am telling you inside secret, I am not the ramanujam type super student but on campus only we can put sight for figars. No class they are telling means ok nice, but not sitting in canteen also a? Gerls all they will sendoff in bus to house but we all they will give placard in hand and tell to fast on road. One fellow like one thop tried to go with gerls in bus and get take one figar to theater means they are beating with sticks! His full shame went off in ship, and he also sitting with us on roads for fasting and doing rasta-roko.

Now is you are living on pension retirement fund and sitting on easy chair telling hare rama hare krishna means fasting is simple matter. Whatisthere maximum you will dieoff, but everything else in life you did na? Or you are wearing orange dress and shouting “I like the bhajan” and fasting means then also ok, anyways you have decided nothing in life you want. Why they are coming and deadkilling youths like us ya? Then they are to be the telling, we are fasting means we are getting the gowramentu job. Like that means tomorrow all beggars outside birla mandir will come and
ask for
gowramentu joball beggars outside birla mandir will come and ask for gowramentu job, who all they will give? If you are fasting means stomach is maybe going inside, but new state is not coming. Now they are not releasing the latest Allu Arjun film, how we are to be taking the potti for shikaar if they are doing laikthat? Arrey last week Lumbini park mein my friend and his potti were doing some botany something means these fellows are coming and breaking all statues and catching them for doing indecency. Now they are talking of gowramentu job, once they are to be getting state means then they will addoff all that reservation. Then also same struggle now also that only, like this it will continue means they will issue visa for entering telangana. Also one potti I am liking very much, everyday in bus she is smiling at me, means she is going deewana for me. But then she is from Rayalaseema and if this will kondinue means then we are going to be having one veer-zaara level fight a? Pls to help Baba, what we are to be doing with this nuisance?

Ontikommu LokendraTejaPratap Reddy(LTP)
———————-

Ah young love, I’ll leave it to the comment space to address his issue. Oh and the rest of you stay out of trouble and always remember, “I like the bhajan”

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Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain

maxdavinci — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:41:24 +0000

I know what you’re thinking, and your bewilderment is well justified. We don’t quite often talk about so-called serious issues like climate changes but then we’ve done some mildly serious stuff in the past like this and this, they’ve been well received. Now this goes without denying the fact that it will get us some traffic, but people looking for serious stuff will return disappointed. Unless of course someone is looking for how the climatic change will affect the receding hairline of Salman Khan, which might be a serious issue of national interest after all! The climate is changing whether we like it or not and we can either do nothing and try to slow it down or accelerate it to satiate our appetite for destruction! Afterall trying to curb our natural affinity to corruption, is detrimental to the steady cash inflow from our heavy industrial bribes. Not many like to talk about it, for it tugs at the strings of their purses and it will open a gigantic debate that will have people running in circles. There’s nothing like opening up purushottams box all over again, at a time when people are only bothered about materialistic gains and nothing more.

With global warming becoming a serious issue, we wanted to get a feel of what the govts of J&K, UP, Uttaranchal etc were doing for the Himalayan mountain ranges. While the J&K, Uttaranchal govts were non-committal, the UP govt however had some quite shocking suggestions to tackle the issue. The CM’s office proposed setting up more parks everywhere with a park in every one-mile radius. Now parks are good things you may think, with more greenery to absorb the greenhouse gases that in turn contribute to global warming. What they do not tell you is that each of these parks will have an enormous statue
of
behenji, pointing
to the skyenormous statue of behenji, pointing to the sky and overlooking the city. In case any of you are wondering what the big deal about it is, then you’ll be pleased to note that the cost of a park to statue is exponential. When quizzed about this, the founder of the MNS, Raj Thakeray was pretty vocal about it and claimed that global warming was a phenomenon created solely by the bhaiyajis. According to him the UPwalas and Biharis have inundated the city and desecrated the marathi ethos with their chath pooja and bhojpuri music. This has angered Mumbadevi who has thereby unleashed this impending calamity of global warming upon us. Now he may not have meant it word for word, but his insistance to speak to us only in marathi could have lead to some translation errors on our behalf!

We also tried getting some inputs from the erstwhile CM of Bihar and the most famous son of the Yadav clanmost famous son of the Yadav clan taking over from Lord Krishna himself, Laloo Prasad Yadav. Quoting from a UN report on cattle increasing greenhouse gases, we were hoping to get his opinions and also a possible rebuttal to the MNS chief. ‘Arre budbak,the cow ij avar mother samjhe. if aye can eat the lakhs of fodder and be the fine, toh bolo how it will cause the pradooshan and warming if the cow-mata will eat? hum keh rahe hain na, all thich ij saajish to tarnish my imaej. Ab jao sasur ka naathi Raj Thakeray ko bolo to talk in the English like me faarst!‘. Well he sure does have a point for there is no greater authority when it comes to matters dealing with fodder. The Gujarat CM with his self-adopted nickname of vikas-purush was equally vocal about his reasons for the phenomenon. To quote his very words ‘Arrey baba yeh sab sirf Ayodhya naresh Shri Ramchandraji ka khel hain, and nothing to panic. He will cleanse the world of these muslim extremists for they are harming his devotees and are not letting his name to prevail. Let us not focus on trivial issues like the earth heating up, but instead talk about my new SEZs and the IT parks that I am inaugurating. Do you have any NRI contacts, I want to set up a Gujju association in Rwanda as well‘. Ha don’t we all know that even Jack Sparrow bought coffee from the Dunkin Donuts in Davy Jones locker at the worlds end. No matter where you go, you’re sure to bump into a Patel!

Bolly-town was clueless to all this environmental gobbledygook and not many were willing to talk on record fearing their audiences find their true IQ and civic sense. Ha! isn’t that an oxymoron for if even 10% of the denizens of film nagar had any common sense or even the minimum IQ, we would be deprived of all the mega-duds they churn out every Friday. Akshay Kumar however was not one bit concerned about his IQ for he unbuttoned himself on the rampunbuttoned himself on the ramp and was more interested in promoting his new movie, Blue. ‘I am very concerned about global warming and that is why I am doing a film on underwater sharks and treasures. I have always given hits with new directors and in Bue we teach people what to do when the water level rises due to snow caps melting. They can all snorkel wit stingrays or try to fit into the bikinis of Lara Dutta!‘. We do hope that such a calamity never happens where the coastal cities are submerged, but Akshayji is for sure prepared and with all the crores he demands per film, he might well have an Atlantis built for himself. A young starlet who wished to remain anon began to brain fart when quizzed upon her thoughts on the depleting ozone layer. ‘What is this ozone layer ya, I only know of my new feather and layer hair cut. Don’t you think I look saucy? By any chance is it a new makeup thingie for I’d like to try a new look in my upcoming film. Dada, ek aur layer touch up kar do please‘. Well she did manage to get part of it right, afterall the ozone layer does work like a concealer against the UV radiation if you figuratively talk about the face of the earth.

Not wanting to be left out the Gujjar agitation and Maoist movement both tried to get a piece of this cake by claiming that it was God’s way to punish the ones who have being treating them as downtrodden and devoid of any basic rights. We even tried to get some bites from other minorities demanding reservations and the communists who are also a political minoritythe communists who are also a political minority, only to be met with finger-on-the-lips. Glad to know that silence is golden in atleast some places, especially when you have women dancing and serving alcohol! Going to the south, Ram Sene chief Pramod Muthalik accused global warming of being a western phenomenon and was a side effect of the MTV culture. To his point, there was no such thing in the early days when women did not send their pink chaddies via courier! The DMK supremo spent no time in attacking the theory of Lord Rama, and chose to call it a cheap publicity stunt. ‘Chennai is so hot and we could do with some cool seawater, if not for this Ram and his stupid monkey bridge, we’d have happily bathed in the tsunami! Thereby no water problems, no large lines for the thanni lorry and the only thing that can cause warming are our hot, heavy and buxom heroines okay va‘. Last heard, the great yoga-guru who has been converting mansions around the world into yoga center offered to get rid of global warming and climatic change via a set of asanas he devised. Oh well if rhythmic breathing or pranayama can make gay people straight, then what is climate change after all!

PS: It goes without saying but I’ll still say it, you are free to believe any of the above. Just don’t come looking for me!

PPS: Title inspired by this evergreen Md.Rafi song.

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Dappan Koothu » Baba Ramdev

Fasting and very furious

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain