We also tried getting some inputs from the erstwhile CM of Bihar and the most famous son of the Yadav clanmost famous son of the Yadav clan taking over from Lord Krishna himself, Laloo Prasad Yadav. Quoting from a UN report on cattle increasing greenhouse gases, we were hoping to get his opinions and also a possible rebuttal to the MNS chief. ‘Arre budbak,the cow ij avar mother samjhe. if aye can eat the lakhs of fodder and be the fine, toh bolo how it will cause the pradooshan and warming if the cow-mata will eat? hum keh rahe hain na, all thich ij saajish to tarnish my imaej. Ab jao sasur ka naathi Raj Thakeray ko bolo to talk in the English like me faarst!‘. Well he sure does have a point for there is no greater authority when it comes to matters dealing with fodder. The Gujarat CM with his self-adopted nickname of vikas-purush was equally vocal about his reasons for the phenomenon. To quote his very words ‘Arrey baba yeh sab sirf Ayodhya naresh Shri Ramchandraji ka khel hain, and nothing to panic. He will cleanse the world of these muslim extremists for they are harming his devotees and are not letting his name to prevail. Let us not focus on trivial issues like the earth heating up, but instead talk about my new SEZs and the IT parks that I am inaugurating. Do you have any NRI contacts, I want to set up a Gujju association in Rwanda as well‘. Ha don’t we all know that even Jack Sparrow bought coffee from the Dunkin Donuts in Davy Jones locker at the worlds end. No matter where you go, you’re sure to bump into a Patel!

Bolly-town was clueless to all this environmental gobbledygook and not many were willing to talk on record fearing their audiences find their true IQ and civic sense. Ha! isn’t that an oxymoron for if even 10% of the denizens of film nagar had any common sense or even the minimum IQ, we would be deprived of all the mega-duds they churn out every Friday. Akshay Kumar however was not one bit concerned about his IQ for he unbuttoned himself on the rampunbuttoned himself on the ramp and was more interested in promoting his new movie, Blue. ‘I am very concerned about global warming and that is why I am doing a film on underwater sharks and treasures. I have always given hits with new directors and in Bue we teach people what to do when the water level rises due to snow caps melting. They can all snorkel wit stingrays or try to fit into the bikinis of Lara Dutta!‘. We do hope that such a calamity never happens where the coastal cities are submerged, but Akshayji is for sure prepared and with all the crores he demands per film, he might well have an Atlantis built for himself. A young starlet who wished to remain anon began to brain fart when quizzed upon her thoughts on the depleting ozone layer. ‘What is this ozone layer ya, I only know of my new feather and layer hair cut. Don’t you think I look saucy? By any chance is it a new makeup thingie for I’d like to try a new look in my upcoming film. Dada, ek aur layer touch up kar do please‘. Well she did manage to get part of it right, afterall the ozone layer does work like a concealer against the UV radiation if you figuratively talk about the face of the earth.

Not wanting to be left out the Gujjar agitation and Maoist movement both tried to get a piece of this cake by claiming that it was God’s way to punish the ones who have being treating them as downtrodden and devoid of any basic rights. We even tried to get some bites from other minorities demanding reservations and the communists who are also a political minoritythe communists who are also a political minority, only to be met with finger-on-the-lips. Glad to know that silence is golden in atleast some places, especially when you have women dancing and serving alcohol! Going to the south, Ram Sene chief Pramod Muthalik accused global warming of being a western phenomenon and was a side effect of the MTV culture. To his point, there was no such thing in the early days when women did not send their pink chaddies via courier! The DMK supremo spent no time in attacking the theory of Lord Rama, and chose to call it a cheap publicity stunt. ‘Chennai is so hot and we could do with some cool seawater, if not for this Ram and his stupid monkey bridge, we’d have happily bathed in the tsunami! Thereby no water problems, no large lines for the thanni lorry and the only thing that can cause warming are our hot, heavy and buxom heroines okay va‘. Last heard, the great yoga-guru who has been converting mansions around the world into yoga center offered to get rid of global warming and climatic change via a set of asanas he devised. Oh well if rhythmic breathing or pranayama can make gay people straight, then what is climate change after all!

PS: It goes without saying but I’ll still say it, you are free to believe any of the above. Just don’t come looking for me!

PPS: Title inspired by this evergreen Md.Rafi song.

If you enjoyed this post, then you may also like:

• Is it marathi manoos or manhoos?
• Blog Action Day
• So you think you are a bhakta…….
• Candlelight tamsha
• Oppari with Oprah
• Fruits of labor
• Mujhe vote karo

Me: Tera hi hamaam baba, tera hi hamaam.

BB: First tell me, since when have you become a bath-soap salesman? The recession hit you that bad?

Me: Shubh Shubh bolo Baba, what if the thataastu gods hear it? I was just asking for help and for a change tried Sanskrit.

BB: Shaanth gadha dhaari Bheem, Shaanth. You might want to sit for a few Sanskrit Bharati classes again. It’s ‘traahi maam’ and not a popular bath-soap as you mentioned.

Me: Pardon my ignorance Baba, I’m outta ideas for Blog Action Day and I need to meet a deadline with my next post on poverty.

BB: I thought poverty and world peace were reserved for beauty pageants, it’s spread to you bloggers as well? You sure they won’t object? They won’t have anything to answer in the final round otherwise!

Me: Like anyone cares for those rounds, it’s only the eye candy we are interested in. See what happens when you put them on a pedestal, they run for Vice President! Before we side track again, can you help me out here?

BB: The answer to your question lies within you. Lets trade places with someone living on the streets or maybe a tribal in a remote forest. Imagine yourself in his shoes for a minute and tell me what you see.

Me: I see hunger, disease and lack of proper shelter and clothing. My wife is very feeble but is yet struggling to till the soil in the fields where she works. My daughter crawls on the hot sand, her knees are bruised and she is eating mud unable to suppress her hunger. My youngest son is sick and weak, hunger has got the better of him and has cried himself to sleep. My eldest son though only a 10yr old is struck by polio, he works in a stable.

BB: If you are facing so many hardships, then why don’t you pray to the almighty for a way out? A better life for your family, food to eat and clothes to wear.

Me: I have lost faith in the almighty Baba, the cries of my children go unheard, the plight of my family is overlooked, I am beginning to question his very existence!

BB: A very wise bhakta of mine recently said ‘faith is an unwavering trust in someone bigger and better than you and me’. In all my years, this is probably the simplest and most effective description of faith that I have come across. He also goes to add and I shall quote this time around.

At various times in my life, I’ve looked at Him as a teacher, counselor, guardian, friend and big brother, and it has helped me a lot whenever I found myself at a cross-roads and felt indecisive, whenever I was disappointed at the world, whenever I was afraid in the face of danger, whenever I doubted my own abilities to succeed, and most of all, whenever I wanted to do something unkind. Without Him, my successes wouldn’t be there, and my failures wouldn’t have been so soft, and my moral compass wouldn’t ever point North.[link]

Me: How do you expect me to have unwavering trust in a force that has never answered any of my prayers. A force that watched my second child die of hunger. A force that prefers to ignore the plight of his own creation.

BB: So you
blame
the almighty
for your plightSo you blame the almighty for your plight? is he responsible for what you are today? If the society has ostracized you, then it’s your own cowardice to blame. It is your lack of unity to fight back when one of you is bullied upon. The creator created everyone equal, you have divided yourselves into religions and castes. You allowed yourselves to be exploited and till their fields. You allowed yourselves to be looked down upon for the professions you chose. Pray may I ask, how do you then have a right to blame him? You allowed others to dominate you and snatch your lands. You endured years of oppression without fighting back and now pray to the god to resurrect your life? Is there like a magic switch that will brighten your lives, or is there a panacea that will solve all your problems? They are all man made and we have to fight our own demons!

Me: Bah all you hardliners are the same. The only guy who sympathizes with us is the missionary from the neighboring village. He preaches the name of the real god and even cured my youngest son. That is the real faith, where the god answers your prayers. They explained the evils of this society and how the god I have been praying to, is a fake!

BB: Ah now it gets interesting! Just because nobody tells you nice things about your religion or tries to hold you back you embrace a different god? You are free to embrace another religion but then on what basis? Just because someone preached the beautiful things in it? If you convert because you believe in it then I have no qualms about it. Converting because it brings food to the table or medicines for your children, makes me sad. I agree that one has the right to follow any religion, but not on the pretext of belittling another. Proclaiming the superiority of one god by calling another god fake is unacceptable in my books.

Me: He gave us money for listening to him, promised us more on conversion. My child will be cured by the holy medicines and prayers to the lord. The false gods have lost their powers with their disrespectful conduct, I have found my real god so stop brainwashing me!

BB: Brainwash? One doesn’t have to shoot a man who is running towards a cliff. Vinashakaale vipareetha buddhi. You have made your choice and there’s no point in trying to talk you out of it. However I wonder if I had got to you before the missionary with a Hanuman Chalisa in my hand and a strip of paracetamol in another. Would the story have been different then? I guess instead of taking up arms against each other, the people need to take up their religious books and go on a preaching spree. This seems more like votebank politics where you buy votes here you’d buy faith! Never realized that faith could be a commodity that can be bought with a wad of cash, an strip of analgesics and a book of prayers!

Me: Crib all you want Baba, for you can never understand the plight of us downtrodden and impoverished folks below the poverty line. Faith for us doesn’t lie in the path to righteousness or moksha. We believe in the god who feeds us and cures us, the rest can go to hell!

BB: Faith has become like in the Age of Empires where you constantly need to preach and heal people lest they get converted! The real issue of poverty is eclipsed by faith and religion, what a sad day it is!

PS: before flaming me, do read these contrasting views, this one and this one as well.

(Image courtesy: BBC)

If you enjoyed this post, then you may also like:

• A Sovereign, Socialist, Secular and Democratic Republic
• Return of the Powerpuff girls
• mallika tune kya pehna?
• Ekadantaya Dheemahi
• Fasting and very furious
• why do you blog
• Shakuntala, Get a science textbook!

1. Use less plastic:
   • Try to use paper/cloth bags for supermarket and grocery needs as opposed to polythene/plastic. The reason being that plastic takes more time to degrade.
   • Use bio-degradable plastic if possible and try to re-use plastic bags when ever possible
2. Save trees use less paper: There are many ways how you can reduce paper usage and save trees.
   • Pay bills online and stop receiving paper bills in the mail. This is a boon to all those lazy and forgetful people like me who can stay away from long queues at the counter. You can also minimize the frequency of late fees slapped upon you owing to lack of stamps at the last moment, postal delay, or the case wherein you threw/tore the bill along with other scrap.
   • Use plastic money where ever possible. This may seem contradiction to the above stated suggestions but plastic money does reduce the number of currency notes you carry. A lot of people carry wads of currency in their wallets and these unused currency bills are soiled after a certain point. You simply go and get them exchanged at the bank, which could be avoided by use of plastic money. I am not advocating the use of credit cards and this post isn’t sponsored by Citibank, but try using your debit card when possible and avoid carrying too much currency. This way you keep track of how much and where you have been spending your money, and also helps in case of stolen wallets
   • Use to-do software and minimize the use of post-it notes and scribbling pads. Best thing would be to use Google Calendar and sync it to your Google Desktop.
   • Take prints only when you need to file documents or archive them. People just prefer to read from a printout and trash/shred it the next moment. Use a soft copy and increase the font size if you cant have a problem.
   • Use the print preview feature before you hit the button. It isn’t there just because someone thought it was cool. This reduces the number of times you print the same document. Also please print only the number of copies you require and a round figure is not always the best option!
3. Save running water:
   • Please turn of the tap while you shave, brush or wash your face. Also while bathing, it won’t kill you to turn of the shower while shampooing.
   • While doing the dishes, just to exhibit your dislike for the chores don’t use water enough for an elephant to bathe.
   • It has been proved that dishwashers use less soap and water when compared to hand-washing
   • Please don’t give me the age old line “save water, drink beer”
4. Save electricity:
   • Turn on the lights only when it really gets dim, the windows and curtains are not meant to show your support for Bill Gates.
   • Switch off the fans A/C while not in use. A lot of people keep them running at the least speed, for reasons known only to them.
   • While leaving the house you turn of the lights but why not your A/C?. Don’t kill the environment just because you want to be welcomed by a whiff of cool air when you open the door. Same holds for the heating system as well
5. Save fossil fuels:
   • Try walking if destinations are within 1 mile/km and conditions are favorable
   • Get into the habit of biking, it’s a good exercise and saves fuel and money
   • Carpooling to work/college is also a good idea unless you want to score on the opposite sex.

Any additions?

If you enjoyed this post, then you may also like:

• Azadi dil ki
• No singles left to mingle
• Dil ne jise apna kaha – Part 3
• Candlelight tamsha
• Allo Allo dis is Nighthawk…….
• Mujhe vote karo
• Kahani sitcoms ki