My rants don’t end with the screenplay but with the reason behind why it was stretched to the limit, and that being the all hyped ten roles. Firstly, I failed
to
see the
need for the
ten rolesI failed to see the need for the ten roles. Some of them were outright outrageous and the rest could have been essayed by any character artist. Lets face it, you wanted to emulate your idol, the late Sivaji Ganesan and get into the record books. This thirst for roles led you to conjure three of the weirdest characters  have ever seen in Indian cinema. You may have guessed by now that I am referring to that Frankensteinsh ‘cauliflower khan’ guy who looked like the lost son of ‘Lurch‘, the irritating ‘Dubyaman‘ guy and the Chinese martial arts teacher. If they were in jest then I apologize, for I failed to see the humor in them. The three guys collectively account for less than ten minutes of screen time and their existence is justified only by the fact that you wanted to please certain sections of the society. Your fans may argue that hadn’t it been for them, Govind would have never recovered the vial. Is this the lame excuse you wish to give in the name of chaos theory? To me the film seemed to resemble the election agenda of the UPA, as it seemed to have a little something for everyone. So you had, shaivism vs vaishnavism, bio-nuclear warfare, sand mining, cancer therapy,  brahmins, muslims, christians, dalits buddhists, sikhs, strippers, CIA mercenaries, heads of state, casteism, martial arts, and a tsunami all under one umbrella called ‘Dasavataram’. Now that certainly is a feat to be proud of, but then were they warranted in the first place?

Many have been comparing Dasavataram to Sivaji, for both of them were hyped summer releases on mega budgets featuring the biggest stars of the industry. Before I receive scathing remarks on my comparison, let me tell you why I found Sivaji to be a more enjoyable experience. Firstly I had no expectations in the acting department, secondly the music was kickass and songs were well choreographed and thirdly the movie never took itself too seriously. Even in my review for Sivaji, I wrote

forget the rants, forget that there exists something called logic, watch the movie for what it is, the screaming, dancing, the rejoicing in the aisles, buckets of paper at your feet and a sore throat three hours later. This is what sums up the whole Sivaji experience.[link]

That was possible because we never took it seriously, we never sought any logic and enjoyed it for its madness. However it isn’t possible to just sit back and watch Dasavataram for you talk of things like the ‘Chaos Theory’, ‘Butterfly Effect’ and so-called mind-boggling-CGI. As educated audiences we are forced to put on our intelligent caps, recollect
wikipedia entries and
attempt to relate events
in the movie as we connect the dotswe are forced to put on our intelligent caps, recollect wikipedia entries and attempt to relate events in the movie as we connect the dots. This is where things began to fall apart for me as the loopholes seemed pretty evident. Most of the characters seemed unwanted, the music seemed insipid and the CG seemed shabby. The CG dept was the most interesting one, for some sequences were breathtaking and stunning would be a very small word to describe them, whereas some sequences reminded me of the production values of archaic times where we had cardboard houses and toy cars blown up. The much hyped tsunami sequence was ironically pretty damp but by Indian standards, it was a brave feat.

A majority of chaos has been caused not by the concepts adapted by the film but by your fans, who’ve launched a scathing attack against blogs that have carried mixed views. The illogical comments and email forwards doing the rounds today are a testimonial to your intolerant fan base. Some have even gone all the way to connect each of your role to the avataars of Lord Vishnu and thus attempting to explain the non-existent logic behind them. For every rediff style commentor who challenges my views, I have my answers ready. I managed to get a ‘Thirittu VCD’(pirated version) and can hence post screenshots and clips to elucidate my stand.

There are a few positives that mustn’t go unnoticed though. Dasavataram has proved that Mallika can even disappoint in a made-for-mallika role. The very thought of Mallika cavorting in a club as a stripper was reason enough to watch the movie, however she manages to disappoint in a role only she could have pulled off. Just like the way you managed to curb emotion, expression and even your voice behind two inches of latex. After the breathtaking first fifteen minutes, the only moment that sought attention was the short and hilarious interogation session between Balram naidu and Govind. The rest of the movie though watchable, never gained the focus it lost.

I love to see you emote, break into tears, evoke laughter and much more without even uttering a single dialogue. Such is the greatness of a great actor called Kamal Haasan who is second to none. But narcissism has it limits and calling yourself ‘Ullaga Nayagan’ on screen with a song dedicated to you is a bit too much to endure. It could have been anyone behind all those layers of latex, but I feel cheated for I wanted to see you. Ten people with oversized heads is ok for the record, a villian looking like Shane Warne suffering from pigmentation is also tolerable. The authentic accents of a dalit christian and a telugu officer reminded me of vintage kamal, while the constipated faces of the giant, chinese guy  and the president made me squirm in my seat. The nambi made us wail in support and the song that followed was heart wrenching. The sardar showed us cancer therapy that was heard of only in email forwards ridiculing the Thalaivar. The scientist was the sootradhar but the old lady made me want to slit my wrists everytime she appeared on screen. The best part was however, watching K.S.Ravikumar prancing along with scantily clad egyptian women!

In short, I missed Kamal the actor.

ps: It hurts when guys like this are touted as the ‘Tom Cruise of India‘

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I write this in pain and angst after watching your magnum opus ‘Dasavataram‘ on an eventful Friday the 13th. I had to fight with the distributor for a ticket to watch you erupt on screen and this is something I had done before only for Chiru and Thalaivar. Before I bore you with the insignificant observations that I made, I would like to tell you an incident from school. I was in the IInd std and we were doing a play for the annual day called ‘The Nutcracker‘. A friend walked up to me and this is the exact conversation for I can never forget.

He:Even though you are the Nutcracker, I am on screen much longer than you
Me: How is that?
He: I play a mouse, a hare, a doll, a Russian Cossack and a tree.
Me: I’m the hero!
He: My mom says that I have a far more important part as It involves so many roles and dress changes.
Me: Still, the whole play is about me
He: Total up the time people will see you and me, I am there longer than you.
Me: It’s not
about
time it’s
about focus!It’s not about time it’s about focus!

I didn’t even know what focus meant(heard the teacher use it while shouting at the lighting guy), it was like those words the great sages speak that make sense years later. The teachers had told every kid something similar so that they don’t get jealous of me hogging the limelight, and I pricked his bubble. Either of us didn’t know what it meant but he assumed that focus was something important and ran away sobbing.

I consider you to be a very intelligent person and assume that you can catch my point. All through the movie, this incident kept hitting me each time you plastered your face. I don’t get this fixation you have with latex and donning multiple roles. Did someone ever tell you that a great actor is one who can do many roles? The way I see you is like my friend who was in every scene of the movie in some role or the other but the focus was never on him. The importance of focus is something I learnt in a theater workshop fifteen years later, but used it to justify my role as a kid. You are a great actor and this urge to reinvent yourself puts you in a league of your own. You by yourself are in institution in acting and many actors have learnt the trade by just watching you the ‘Ekalavya‘ way. We have loved your performances in Nayagan, Hey Ram, Pushpak, Thevar Magan, Mahanadi and more recently Virumandi, Anbe Sivam etc where you played to the galleries meant for the so-called intelligent junta. We’ve also cheered your performances in Panchatantram, MMKR, Avvai Shanmugi, Singaravelan and Apoorva Sahodarangal where you enthralled the front-benchers with comic timing like never before.

The problem with Dasavatarm is not with your acting prowess and I shall be committing a cardinal sin if I even spoke of it. The basic premise of the story and the plot is something that I liked a lot, however I felt that you molested the screenplay just to accommodate the ten characters. I have always believed that a story creates characters but the characters don’t
drive a storya story creates characters but the characters don’t drive a story. This was the principal flaw in the film for me and the chaos created by the entry and exit sequences of these characters took the focus away from the movie. Lets not get confused with chaos theory for that is reserved for the coming paragraphs. Sticking on to the screenplay, I felt that most of the characters were forced into the story to accommodate meaty portions of screenplay and an opportunity to exhibit your latex fetish(I know it sounds corny!). Many portions of the film were there just so that your CG dept gets a chance to show many Kamals in the same frame. I shall curb my urge to dissect every frame and point the fallacies but will surely do in case I receive rediff style comments.  Right from the audio release everything about the movie has surrounded the ten roles. Being able to enact ten roles is a phenomenon and praise worthy, I have no qualms against that and will even go under the knife to state that no current actor in world cinema can even dream of attempting it, forget surpassing.  But amidst the din created in the media by the ten roles, the real loser has been the screenplay. Below are excerpts from an interview you gave to the Times of India.

My ten different roles are the USP of Dashaavataram…. I used to spend five hours only in makeup. What was interesting is that I have started respecting women more after that…….The loudest seller in a bazaar attracts attention. I have always felt that the loudest crying child gets the milk [link]

I can go on and cite many interviews where all the talk has been about the roles, make-up, CG effects but the screenplay has been the neglected child. Just so that I clear the air once again let me reiterate my earlier statement, my problem is not with the ten roles but with
the screenplaymy problem is not with the ten roles but with the screenplay. All the more because you took it upon yourself and declared it to be your most satisfying role. I quote from an interview you gave to CNN-IBN

The screenplay is what I enjoyed doing the most and that’s the 11th role I have played – the most pivotal and difficult role. It’s like the loneliness of a long distance runner.[link]

It sure must have been difficult to weave all the characters into the story, but that is the very reason for its complexity. Your story never demanded ten roles, you stuffed them into it and wove the screenplay around them so that they embed seamlessly with the plot. Its a case of inviting issues you never needed in the first place and then proudly claiming to have weathered the storm.

(Continued in the next post)

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the actress, by wearing a mini skirt and exposing her back, had caused ‘mental agony to the people of Tamil Nadu. By sitting cross legged on the dais where the Chief Minister was also seated, she had not only behaved disrespectfully but had also conducted herself indecently.

Cross-legged?? Wow! Sorry couldn’t find that pic, but if anybody does please leave a comment. Poor Ms.Share-a-watt was unaware bout the Shriya fiasco but Ms.A-Sin was clever enough to take the cue. Well I’ve managed to contact Baba Bangali and ask him his views on the actions of his loyal bhaktas. The great Baba has honored this space by using it to send them a message and preferring this blog over regular print media. It must be noted that the views of the Baba are solely his and this blog doesn’t take responsibility for any effigies burnt or sentiments hurt.

Dear Bhakta HMK,

I can understand what you are going through and the ‘mental agony’ caused by Ms.Share-a-watt. I agree that it’s tough to get your GFs/wives to prance around in such nothings and you’re hurt coz these filmwallahs have all the luck. But then egos and jealousy aside you also have to account for the heavy inflation rates. With the economy stuttering at 7.5% and inching towards 8%, you should actually salute the spirit of the woman for setting an example. The nation is facing a crisis with rising prices and commodities becoming dearer, and women like Ms.Share-a-watt and Ms.Curry-now Cup-oor are doing their bit for the economy. They are role models for a new generation ushering a new age, with their frugal choice of garments. I strongly advise you to join them in this revolution and practice what they preach.

Baba Bangali

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Here is a song that features the best real life Bollywood couple in a so-called-seductive song. Abhi-Ash don’t have a bedroom song as yet and hence do not qualify. At one corner you have an award winning heroine whose last two roles have been that of a blind woman and one suffering from alzheimers(interesting?). Giving her company is a national award and more importantly a dandanakka award winning actor who incidentally is also the director of this film. This is all I could find on youtube and didn’t have the patience to rip and upload it myself, not to worry coz you’re not missing anything…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Now this is what kollywood has to offer. A mediocre actress for whom many may claim that the word mediocre is also a huge compliment, and her hubby a pretty decent actor with nothing great to boast about barring a few movies like this one. The divide in terms of acting between these two couples is without any doubt greater than the grand canyon yet the second video seems more convincing. Ladeej and juntalmen that is what is called chemistry, it not only exists in beakers and pippettes but also between couples.

Click here to view the embedded video.

A few of these south ke phillum may sure be cheap, crass and crude but the rest are far more stylish than anything bollywood has imagined. It takes a RDB or a TZP to beat the south but then both these movies had a heavy southie influence!(Maddy,Siddharth, A.R.Rahman, Shankar Mahadevan etc). If any of you wisecracks wanna tell me that this movie is stylish then I have some left-over ‘mushroomfry’ that has been lying in my fridge for a week, just for you!

For those who wanna poke fun at the thalaivar, here comes a man that defies all odds. Show me two of his films that have even remotely been similar and i’ll eat my mushrooms myself. Huge expectations from this one and I hope he wont disappoint.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The ‘Sarkar Raj‘ trailer is also a winner but then you can’t count it for it’s made by a southie. Those of you rooting for the ‘Jism-Jadoo hain nasha‘ song, it wasn’t a bedroom song and plus the music director was Telugu and the hero a mallu.

PS: Lifted from Bachchan saab’s blog, Here is what RGV messaged him on Tashan.

people are saying Tashan is as bad as Aag…! If Sholay has set the bench mark for the ultimate hit then the least i achieved with Aag, is that i made it a bench mark for the ultimate flop..

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