D-Stra: Dude, I have no effin clue as to what’s going on. Isn’t that superman guy the president?

S-Jay: Oh Mighty Emperor it’s Dubyaman. Plus his eight year term is ending and hence the hullabaloo.

D-Stra: So what’s the big deal? Two new candidates fight it out, is that all what this hype is about?

S-Jay: No Jahanpanah, It’s the contestants that are generating all this interest. There;s a woman as well. Not testosterone laden like always.

D-Stra: I’m not a Mughal emperor you insolent oaf. But wait, a woman you say? interesting…

S-Jay: Ah! you dirty old man, I knew you’d be interested to know more and hence I did my homework. She was a beauty pageant winner and a sports reporter before going on to become the Governor of a frozen state.

D-Stra: Pageant? is she still hot then? Look I respect the womenfolk but I could not resist asking!

S-Jay: Even if
you
domesticate a
dog, it will
still hump
a chairEven if you domesticate a dog, it will still hump a chair! You’re blind and you still can’t stop thinking dirty about a vice presidential candidate? Shame on you O Mighty King! But then on a lighter note, a lot of men find her cute!

D-Stra: Ah! I knew it. They wouldn’t elect someone to office otherwise. Beauty and brains just like my daughter-in-law Draupadi.

S-Jay: Ho Ho Hold on. When did I mention anything about brains? But then by your standards, yes she definitely has brains. You after all sat silent as your nephews were being humiliated and their wife was being disrobed! Don’t give me the you ‘couldn’t see what was happening‘ argument. Your headlights are damaged not your speakers!

D-Stra: Can we go easy on the belittling? The topic on hand is this hot lady who likes to hunt moose and not me. Also don’t forget that you work for me!

S-Jay: Point taken. The lady can apparently see Canada and Russia from her living room and hence she claims she has experience in foreign policy! She also claims to read all the news sources out there but strangely can’t name even one.

D-Stra: Stop being so rude and don’t demean the beauty…. err….. I mean Lady. Even you could see the Kurukshetra war from here in Hastinapur! She never questioned that, so why go after her?

S-Jay: Wo gaad Ganesha, whatay capemaari mollamaari¹ King he is! Okay here’s one, she supports hunting animals from helicopters. Do you still support that?

D-Stra: Hunting is a princely sport, it’s meant for the royal blood. Commoners like you will never understand. Find out if she is happy with her man, for she can be my second queen any day! But enough about her, what about the main candidates?

S-Jay: I’m glad you finally asked about them. The one who is using her is a haggard old man who is using her like the sprite strategyusing her like the sprite strategy! It is the last chance for this grumpy grandfather to stake claim to the most prestigious position in world politics.

D-Stra: You have to help me here since I’m out of tune with these strategies. Also stop making me look stupid with these witty references!

S-Jay: Coca-Cola uses its brand Sprite to poke fun at it’s main competitor Pepsi. So every Pepsi commercial is spoofed within a month by Sprite. It doesn’t require and creative thought for Pepsi does all the hard work. All Sprite has to do is ridicule it and heap garbage on the Pepsi brand. The flagship coca-cola brand though stays clear of all this and focuses on solely it’s product. This way Coca-Cola makes a killing and all the earnings from Sprite are a bonus, while Pepsi keeps losing its market share! Coke comes out clean while Sprite does the dirty work. Works both ways and makes a killer combination!

D-Stra: All this marketing, branding and advertising talk is going over my head. How about some simple English?

S-Jay: Fine, Lets take a closer and example from back home. Do you remember how Arujna used Shikandi to defeat the almost invincible Bhishma? If not let me refresh you memory with this video(watch from 5:00 onwards). Just like the sons of Pandu knew that it would be impossible to fall the infallible Bhishma and had to use Shikhandi to do the dirty work. The only way Bhishma could be defeated was by a woman and hence he refused to aim his arrows on one. Similarly the Grandfather guy uses Hot Lady to throw mud on the Black guyGrandfather guy uses Hot Lady to throw mud on the Black guy! The only person that came close to giving the Black guy shivers was a woman who is also the wife of a former President. The Grandfather guy took notice of this and employed the services of a Hot Lady to shovel horse crap on the Black Guy. The grandfather guy goes around telling people of his war bravery and promises to blue collared people. The Hot Lady meanwhile accuses the Black Guy of everything right from the Big Bang to the Tsunami!

D-Stra: Ah interesting! They were inspired by the Mahabharata and haven’t even credited us! Dharma for sure will not be on their side. Now the Black Guy has to fight two people eh? But then what about his mate? He sure isn’t alone in this battle right?

S-Jay: Sadly the Black Guy is against two-and-a-half candidates. His own running mate is a nutcase whose public statements cause more harm than garner support. So it’s almost a Sunny Deol type one-man machine situation.

D-Stra: So tell me who do you see at the helm of affairs? I know there can be no greater ruler than me, but I’m curious to see what happens.

S-Jay: Damn you, I’m not falling for that again. The last time I told you the result of a battle you crushed an iron pillar with your bare hands! Despite the charms of the Hot Lady and the faked-effervescence of the Grandfather guy and the ineptitude of the running mate guy, I see the Black Guy winning comfortably. Don’t take my word on it, for only I know your real temper.

D-Stra: I should probably hire that Baba Bangali guy. He’s a lot more knowledgeable, sharp and witty as well! Nevertheless you did help me understand the situation and as we speak the results should be out I believe.

PS: Capemaari-Mollamaari: Both words go invariably with each other. In British times people were given different coloured caps based on their status in work. The guy who changes the cap (mathurdu in Tamil) is a traitor/thief hence the word capemaari (cap-maari). Spl thanks to Adi and Anti.


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Today the world celebrates the birthday of the greatest lover in any mythology. I state this however with no offense to the Lord nor is this an attempt to malign his greatness. If my Bhakta’s from the HMK are reading this, then they can safely ignore it. The leela’s of
Krishna
are unparalleledleela’s of Krishna are unparalleled and we are too small to even comment on them.

The ‘rasa leela‘ takes place one night when the gopis of Vrindavan, upon hearing the sound of Krishna’s flute, sneak away from their households and families to the forest to dance with Krishna throughout the night, which Krishna supernaturally stretches to the length of one Night of Brahma, a Hindu unit of time lasting approximately 4.32 billion years. In the Krishna Bhakti traditions, the ‘rasa-leela‘ is considered to be one of the highest and most esoteric of Krishna’s pastimes. In these traditions, romantic love between human beings in the material world is seen as merely a diminished, illusionary reflection of the soul’s original, ecstatic spiritual love for Krishna, God, in the spiritual world.

The spiritual dance of divine love is well explained in the ‘Bhagvatam‘ and you may head here for further reference. Now that we’ve cleared the air, we are free to do what we do best. Cheap, crass and crude humor has always been our forte, and we at Dappan Koothu are gonna give you more.

1: Krishna Kare to swami, Hum kare toh harami!
2: Krishna kare to chamatkaar, hum kare to balaatkaar
3: Krishna kare to raas leela, hum kare to character dheela

In college when ever we were rebuked by the women folk for our actions or comments we always came back with these brilliant lines. It soon was popular among SMSes and even saw the light of the day in a few movies. Let me clear the air that our actions were pretty harmless and one need not twitch his/her eyebrows. The gardens of Vrindavan have now been replaced by the malls and multiplexes and that’s where they gopikas of today seek their Mohan. The flute has given way to cellphones and other gadgets and the definition of pure unadulterated love may never be the same. Social media seems to be the new way to reach out and keep track of everyone’s updates. Facebook/Orkut and blogs have replaced the verandah discussions of the evenings. In a world wherein people update their twitter statuses even before letting their loved ones know, the ‘Supreme Being’ felt left out.

The lord got fed up and wanted to reach out and turned to social media. What if the lord had a facebook profile, who would he get poked by? Who would scribble on his wall and what would his status be? Ever wondered what would Krishna’s social profile look like or the groups he would join? I have all your answers bhakta. Presenting a sneak peak of the profile of the most sought after man ever! This is what his profile looked like the day after his ‘peace mission‘ was rejected at Hastinapur. Those unaware with the Mahabharata may fail to comprehend, however I feel the rest of you will see it in the right spirit. It is a bit tongue in cheek and I request all my bhaktas to take it in jest.

Jai Shri Krishna, happy birthday O great one!

Baba Bangali

PS: Inspired by Krishashok and Chutney.
PPS: Thank you Javascript and MS Paint!

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