‘The Dappan Koothu guide for kidnappers, victims and their parents’

When you storm out of the house after an argument with your mom, be sure to wear a bikini underneath.

Who knows, you see the inviting and serene sea you may feel like taking a swim. You have to cater to the people who missed the first five minutes as they were haggling witht he popkorn guy or trying to find a parking spot. Since nobody expected you to open the movie with a song and cavort in your inners, you ought to give the a second chance! Also this gives us an opportunity to see the waters kiss your feet as the camera drifts over your washboard abs.

When you wake up fully clothed and the last thing you remember is prancing in a bikini, don’t forget to ask the question every pure indian girls asks!

Seriously girl, aren’t you botherd as to who dressed you up and how you landed in an abandoned house? I mean every girl who has seen DDLJ will obviously ask questions like ‘Tum Kaun Ho’, ‘Mere Kapde kisne badle’ and not go seaching for your girlfriends. If your girlfriends wanted to play a prank they would hire a more mean looking guy, instead of leaving you alone with a chocolate mousse! So better watch some bollywood before you ask absurd questions, it really helps!

It’s not the best time to fight with your ex-husband once you realize that your daughter has been kidnapped.

You may hate the man that left you and chose his work over the family. But asking him to leave the house when he is the only guy the kidnapper will talk too doesn’t seem too intelligent! Wearing tight fitting shirts with two buttons open sure helps, for the kidnapper may choose to return your daughter and grab you instead! I sure for one felt that the mother-daughter roles could be reversed because the business suits clearly looked more luscious than the bikinis.

Live close to a building under construction, it helps if you have to chase the kidnapper

You may also want to hit the gym regularly for jumping and chasing may takes it toll with age. Though it may seem inspired for me it was the only saving grace apart from the skin show. As a parent do pray that the kidnapper cant jump floors, for that would be an unfair advantage! Don’t try to irritate your kidnapper by not answering his calls, He’s got your daughter dammit and not selling you credit cards!

Trying to seduce your kidnapper with a dip in the sea and rolling in the sand isn’t the most clever thing to do.

Who bathes in the sea when there is not enough water at home? OK maybe mermaids do, but then don’t we all need to shower off the salt and sand? If i was locked in a house with no water to bathe, I’d rather stink than smell like the beach! I’d think of ways to escape rather than seduce my kidnapper and take it as an excuse to break into a song. Also you might always keep a set of extra clothes in your car, may come handy when kidnapped!

When you kidnap someone try to focus on your work rather than staring at their chest or watching them change clothes in the silhouette.

You’ve already seen her in a bikini when you kidnapped her, and the last time you got distracted by her curves she stabbed you. You may be hot blooded and it may be your first real crime, but that isn’t an excuse to be staring! Don’t let your victim do the dishes for she may try to stab you with a knife, and you always won’t be lucky. It’s not always a good idea to pin your victim on her back, can’t rely on the darn hormones you see!

When your kidnapper is shot in the arm, try escaping instead of tending to him.

You may consult Baba Bangali it your don’t believe me but commonsense will say the same. Your kidnapper is wounded and unconscious, just cause you went to a convent school doesn’t mean you nurse his wounds. Lets say you are a good samaritan and do some basic first aid, but then why do you have to sit and wait till he wakes up? You’ve got him in shackles then why do you need him to dial your dad? Am I missing something here? You are soon-to-be-18 why cant you cal your dad yourself instead of asking the kidnapper to do it with a gun to his head!

So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, I hope this guide comes handy the next time somebody is kidnapped! Oh wait you could also watch this movie by the same name…

(Image courtesy: Rediff)

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For once women are not depicted as mindless bimbos but have some good characterization. It takes the ‘Kudiyon ka hain Zamana‘ tag to an all new level with the hero bearing all levels of humiliation with a smile. The film has a sense of deja vu as the boy revisits his past with a heavy sense of guilt and sudden stroke of realization. I’m not giving away the plot here but it is a must see for every guy. Ranbir Kapoor is the whole and soul of the movie and for me, after Shammi Kapoor he is the only Kapoor who can act! Despite his disastrous debut, he proves that he isn’t another untalented star-son. Minissha Lamba looks cute at times but ugly in the close-up shots. Sultry Siren, Bipasha Basu sizzles(click here) in her meatiest ever role after Corporate. Deepika Padukone can only blame the writers for her half-baked extended guest role with only the Khuda Jaane song to her credit. Kunal Kapoor seems to be YashRaj’s favorite guest star and the less we speak of him, the better it is.

I did get a bit emotional as it was like a trip down memory lane and so my views might seem biased. Do watch it in the nearest cinema hall and let me know if you agree with me.

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